Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Lying to others is hurtful, shameful even. But, some have it in their hearts to forgive you, thus allowing you to move on from your mistakes. For the most part, some would say, doing you a favor. Possibly teaching you to forgive, or in a sense enabling you to do it again. 

But, lying to yourself is detrimental. You wouldn’t lie to an old man, because out of respect first off, but because you know they are wise and see right through it. So are you, so why do it to yourself? There is no one there to convince you it is a lie that you are living. No one to see you months later and see the change in mood, behavior, or physical appearance. You see yourself everyday, telling yourself a little lie to get you through another day. When you look in the mirror you aren’t going to notice the subtle differences infusing themselves into your being. These add up in time and if finally seen are what shock people the most. It’s what makes them wonder “How did it get to this point” or “How did I not notice?”

Denial and Pride. That’s why. Denial from the truth and all that is real in your life. The fact that we are too proud to admit we were wrong, so we don’t look weak to others . In time, the sense of pride that is gone, will be noticed as your natural sense of pride diminishes allowing more denial to make up for what was lost. You do so hoping others won’t notice. News flash. They do, and I am going to stress how and why. 

Because if people wouldn’t tell themselves the first lie, that they think no one will notice, they would rethink all the lies it is going to take to cover up the previous ones told.

If you turn the volume up on your tv one at a time every couple seconds, you only really notice the difference in the beginning and towards the end when it is too loud and unbearable. The same is true in life. You notice the change in the beginning, and choose to ignore it, because it is not harming you and isn’t loud enough to where others can notice it yet either. One of the most brilliant things humans have is their ability to adapt and change in any circumstance. The downfall to that though is we get used to being comfortable even if it isn’t what serves us for the better. 

But, as you keep turning up the volume you slowly will start to see the sound increase and others may even start to hear it too. 

But, they will likely say nothing, as it brings up little doubt and isn’t unusual. It isn’t until you keep pressing the volume button because it just doesn’t seem like an issue because you have gotten use to it for so long and because you have been telling yourself a lie that it isn’t that loud. Again, hoping no one will notice. 

You feel a sense of dedication to keep it up, as it can seem easier to believe a lie and adapt than it can be to admit and see the truth. Which will initially prolong the inevitable fact of facing the humiliation and burden that comes with being wrong. Also, to keep others from seeing us as weak. 

Human survival is based on good judgement and making the better decisions throughout life. These are the people we look up to. It isn’t until the tv is so loud that you must keep it there forever to not only convince yourself it’s normal, but the others around you too, though they already have noticed. Now that you have lied and convinced yourself that this is how you live and that it is just normal for you, it is how you must live from here out.

Some may notice that less people come around after that, or only others who are willing to listen to it at that volume too for the same reasons that they are in your life. It’s not until someone comes in and turns it off that you react. Again thinking that someone will notice now. Afraid that what you were trying to pretend was normal isn’t anymore. It isn’t until you sit in silence for a while and can hear you own thoughts that you can think clearly, that others who weren’t turned away come back around, and you can finally, not only hear them, but can listen to what they were trying to say all along. 

We then can see that all along we weren’t alone. That others were there when we thought no one was. All the effort we made that made us think we were alone was just a cry for help because already felt alone inside and didn’t know where to find the answers or how to ask. 

Someone is always there. It isn’t until we tune out the distraction and hear silence we realize that it was the loud cry all along we didn’t want to hear.