Category : Adult
Sub Category : Horror
Today is my birthday I told my mom I wanted to go see my grandma and my mom said no you can't she is up in heaven. I was mad and sad. mom: where are you at little girl. I mean it you better answer me. Three hours later Marie where are you I have called you and texted you please get back to me u are getting me worried I'm gonna call the police answer me right now young lady. Your father is worried he is looking every where for you. 5 hours later Marie: Mom where are you and dad? I'm at home when is supper gonna be done. Mom: where have you been we have been looking every where for you and I have called you and texted you did you ever get my messages i sent you Marie: no mom i haven't I just got home walking from Jessica's house I was only gone for like an hour. Mom: MARIE ANN JONES DON'T LIE TO ME U HAVE BEEN GONE FOR 5 HOURS. Marie: Mom have been at Jessica's for an hour The only texts i got was from earlier to don't be late for dinner. That was at 4pm. Mom: FIRST OFF I CALLED JESSICA'S MOTHER AND SHE TOLD ME YOU AND JESSICA WERE SUPPOSED TO HANGING OUT THERE AT THE HOUSE WANT TO LIE TO ME AGAIN Marie: ok you got me we were at Mark's house. Mom: YOU ARE GROUND YOUNG LADY I MEAN IT GO UPSTAIRS TO YOUR ROOM WAIT UNTIL WE GET HOME WE ARE HAVING A FAMILY MEETING. Marie: yes mom I will wait for you. 20 minutes later Marie: hey Jessica how much trouble are you in? Jesscia: I'm ground for 2 weeks no computer I can still have my phone but my parents don't want me texting but I'm sneaking to texts you hbu? Marie: well I'm ground for 2 months :( no tv no Facebook and I can only go to school then straight home no black and white dance. Jesscia: wow that sucks what are you gonna tell Mark then. Marie: I don't know how I'm gonna tell him my parents don't even know I'm dating him again. Jessica: FR you haven't told them it's been almost 5 months since you guys started dating. Marie: I lost track of time and my parents didn't want me to date him. They make me so mad I would kill them. Jessica: wow don't say that what would happened if they did get killed then the police think you did kill them. Don't say that! Marie: I'm not gonna kill them they get me mad but I couldn't ever kill anyone I would feel guilty about it. Two days later Jessica: hey MJ are you ok? You weren't at school today. 20 minutes later Jessica: Hello MJ it's been 20 minutes where are you at why ain't you answering me I'm getting worried. Jesscia: hey Mrs. Jones is Marie ok I saw that she wasn't at school and she hasn't rely back to me for 2 days. Mrs. Jones: she is sleeping now she didn't feel good so she stayed home in bed n she doesn't have her phone it's off. Jessica: ok thank you Mrs. Jones can you let her know hope she feels better and message me when she can. Mrs. Jones: I will let her know. At midnight Marie: Jessica are you up answer the phone it's important Jessica: yes I'm up what's up MJ something wrong? Marie: yes I'm in the woods right now my mom just tried to kill me yesterday. Marie: and now I think she killed my dad cuz I went to go talk to him about hanging out with you at your house and I see my dad on the floor while my mom on top of him with gun in her hand. Jessica: omg MJ where at in the woods are you my mom just saw the messages she wants you to come to the woods by our house we will meet you there don't texts or call your mom just come straight here. Marie: my mom is looking for me what can I do I'm scared. Jessica: don't worried keep your phone on silent the cops are on their way to you now just keep low until they get there. Marie: I'm so scared right now. An hour later Jessica: hey MJ the cops are here where are you? I'm getting worried. I've been trying to call you and texts you hope you are safe. An hour later Marie: Jessica I'm sorry Marie is never coming back she is dead just like her father. Jessica: who is this and how do you have her phone. Who ever you are the police are at the Jones house watching the place so if this is Morgan Jones turn yourself in. Marie: it's not her I'm an old friend of the Jones family I killed them all. Jessica: I'm calling the police. You won't get with this. Marie I would watch what you say and do cuz I do know where you live Jessica Michelle Andrews. Jessica: how do you know my name. My last name aint Andrews it's Johnson. Marie: yes that is cuz you are my daughter. And I'm coming for you. To you finally get the gift from her. Jessica: I don't know who you are but leave me alone. Jessica: mom is that you knocking on the door? Mom: no honey it's not me I'm at the grocery store. Make sure it's not your grandmother trying to open the door again. Jessica: no mom it was grandma it was the cops again they just told me that they found Marie's body behind our house. You need to get back home they need to talk to us even dad. Mom: I'm on my way home. Jessica: Mom one more thing the cops also said that they found yours and dad's bodies. Who the f are you doing with my mom's phone. Mom: well I thought you weren't gonna figured that out at some point. Jessica: who is this tell me now!. Mom: i will not until later. Jessica: what do you mean by that? Mom: you will see. Two weeks later today authorities found two bodies today on 17 year old Jessica Michelle Johnson and 17 year old Marie Ann Jones in the river behind the woods and they were raped and beaten up. And authorities have no wear abouts of 42 year old Morgan Lynn rose Jones nor 44 year old Jonathon Joseph Johnson. They were last scene at a hotel in Scottsdale Ohio any information where they are at contact the authorities. I'm channel news
Comments
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Emily S.
I enjoyed reading this. It was really interesting. I just have a few comments that may help make it better. At times it was a little rough mainly because of the conversations. It would be easier to read if you made a new paragraph for each speaker and added quotation marks "Where have you been?" The mother shouted. "I was with Jessica" Marie responded back as she rolled her eyes. I was also a bit confused in the beginning about who the story was following. If it is going to start off with Marie then follow Marie when she goes out and comes back. Perhaps even while she is running through the woods. Alternatively, you could just set it from Jessica's point of view and follow her so there is not a change from Marie to mother to Marie to Jessica. Lastly, make sure to completely spell out words such as you.
Jan 26, 2018
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It has potential. I do like the fact your trying to tell the story mostly through text messages. However, it left me somewhat confused. It seem bodies were found in one place, then another, and some bodies found, were not found. Follow the advice Emily has posted and after a few rewrites, i think it will be good.
Jan 26, 2018