Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

They say everything happens for a reason and that everyone that comes into your life has some kind of purpose too but sometimes I wish shit never happen at all or I'd undo it all if I could. I'll always remember the history he and I have from beginning to the middle and then of course the tragic end. An old childhood friend turned out to be my first love and my first heartbreak, he's the definition of the words heartbreak, womanizer and misery. I hated myself for how I felt but I couldn't at the same time because it wasn't my fault I'm only human, but still I was deeply heartbroken because I fell in love with a person who used me and never even cared about the pain they caused me and how I cried my heart out wondering what I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough? Being a teenage girl with a abusive and absent father and a strict mother I didn't know anything about real love and from what I saw around me apparently love makes everyone stupid or crazy. It amazed me that even after the fact that I wasn't in love with him anymore still the slightest thing could trigger old feelings, old memories and old pain of course. I guess I'll always feel some type of way about him I just can't help that but I know for sure I'll always hate him to death and I'll never ever give my heart again unless the guy honestly gives his heart first but even then I'll still most likely be very cautious and hesitant. I hate not having anyone to talk to or nobody understands which frustrates and depresses me deeply, I've never experienced real love not even to this day so can I really blame myself because my first love makes me feel some type of way? I couldn't go back even if I wanted to which I don't because looking and feeling stupid is one thing but to be heartbroken and then forgotten now that's a bitch!