Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Try to imagine it. The way I see things is the way I see things. Recently my little sister was sharing something with me. She asked me to share my thoughts on it. She does this often and it frustrates the shit out of me whenever she asks. Do I ever get it right? When I try to express what I am hearing I get it all screwed up. I wonder: have I missed something? What am I really hearing? Is there some subtle meaning going on I am not aware of? 

I have always considered myself a deep thinker. I have learned to sit for hours in meditation. Being in Confinement for years allowed me to practice centering myself. I could hold myself completely still in heart, allow my mind the freedom to go where I couldn’t in body. I developed focus and kept at it until it hardly mattered what went on around me. I could hold to my path. I didn’t have to try and figure out where someone else mind was going, and it hardly mattered what anyone else thought. today in the world I am in now, this method isn't going to work.

My Little sister said, “The rate you are going, even if a girl is trying to say something to your face discreetly, you wouldn't even see it.” 

It made me think back over the conversations I have had, and of course my mind wondered if she was right. Have any of them been trying to tell me something? Did I miss an opportunity to finally have someone in my life? 

I sometimes feel like throwing my hands up. Every day for more than a year I have spoken to my little sister. I have gotten to know her better than anyone. As well as I know her, if I can’t interpret what she is trying to tell me, what chance do I have with these brief encounters? My world isn't so neatly ordered for me. I want t be a better communicator, a better writer, a better listener, but the is a fundamental fault in me that. It isn’t the world or the people in it that I am failing to understand. It is me.