Category : Stories

Sub Category : Romance

I've always been a people's pleaser. I've always been so afraid of being judged or not liked by anyone. I'd do or say anything to make you like me. Other people's opinion of me mattered more to me than anything. I could never handle criticism and I had such low self esteem, I allowed others to make my decisions for me because I didn't trust myself with those kind of things. I made myself believe that the decisions of my parents for my future were actually my own and so I did what they wanted or expected but I always found myself coming up short. I was never happy or content. I always felt empty, shallow and this caused so much of sadness within me. I felt weak, I felt like I was such a waste of a human being. I knew that something needed to change but I wouldn't step up. I continued to be depressed and sad but never really mustered up any courage to actually do something about my circumstance. 

I felt like a coward and a failure but as long as the outside world didn't see this side of me, it was okay. I hid my insecurities and fears so well that I myself began to believe the persona I was playing. 

But nothing lasts forever and my stage performance came to a showstopping halt a few years ago. I was exposed to the world and for the first time in my entire life, was forced to stand before the world, naked, exposed and vulnerable. I saw disappointment, sadness and pity in the eyes of my family, my friend's. It completely shattered me and I've never felt so filthy, so ashamed, so consumed with guilt and worst of all engulfed with ice cold fear. 

My worst fears had become my reality. The worst of it was not being liked or accepted by others. As this nightmare unfolded before me, my mind, heart and soul got dragged through the mud. My dignity was crushed like broken glass, my confidence wiped away clean like some dirty ink stain. My self esteem became completely non existent and my purpose and love for life slipped away like mist evaporating on a cloudy morning and giving way to a cloudless powder blue sky. I felt as if I had no place on this earth, I was an unpleasant disruption to the grand design and if I disappeared forever, people, life, and this universe would be better off... 

Its during this exact moment that something happens deep within your being. Maybe it's the survival instinct kicking in but you come to a single moment in time, a fraction of a second, where you decide to either give up or decide you're going to fight. You refuse to go quietly into the night. 

You finally turn away from the world and ignore their disgust and cries of disappointment, and turn to face the mirror. Your reflection stares back at you. Your fears, insecurities, low self esteem, your non existent confidence, they all stare back at you. And for the first time in your entire life you make a conscious decision to accept it all. Every gory, sordid detail of the devil within you is embraced and the acknowledgement of this single act is so liberating, it makes you breathe a sigh of relief. So much weight has suddenly been lifted from your shoulders and you feel lighter than you've ever felt in a long time. As you continue to study your reflection, something else changes. You're starting to look deeper, beyond the surface and you see a spark deep within your eyes, determination winks at you, a thirst for something more peeps out and you realize that you're bubbling with so much of energy and zest for learning and experiencing all that life has to offer. The lesson from your experience dawns on you and you feel stronger than you ever have. You make another conscious choice to accept all events and experiences leading up to this moment and you embrace it completely. You promise to use this experience to rise higher than before and to shine like the amazing light you believe yourself to be...

Turning away from the mirror, your head held high, you walk down into the maddening, screaming crowd and suddenly it no longer bothers you. In fact you can't even hear the insults and disappointments raging from their mouths anymore. You smile to yourself, and practically float through the crowd with new inspiration, determination and resolve, with not a care in the world. 

A lot of self reflection takes place after this, and you slowly learn to accept yourself. You begin to like the person you are and the shackles that once kept you prisoner are gone and you know that the sky is the limit. Self growth becomes the name of the game and you finally find peace within yourself to sit down with confidence and write this story...