Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Drama

Chapter 13


     What’s that smell? I thought as I rolled over to find Alex missing. We slept on the floor in front of the fireplace last night and I haven’t slept that good in years. I wrapped myself in a blanket and followed that wonderful scent into the kitchen where I found Alex standing in her jeans and tshirt at the stove. “Smells delicious”, I said as I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “It should be ready soon, where are the plates?” She asked, then turned around and pulled me in for a kiss. My knees were weak and I stumbled a bit. Thankful Alex had quick reflexes as she swept me up in her arms. “You ok?” she asked looking worried as she sat me down at the table. “Yeah, wow, I guess I am hungrier than I realized”, I said feeling a little bit embarrassed. Alex brought me a glass of juice then brought over plates for both of us. We sat at the table eating and chatting for a while when I realized that I had been sitting at the table wrapped in nothing but a blanket. “It’s chilly”, I said shivering a bit. Before I could say another word she stood up and grabbed me by the hand and led me back to our bed on the floor. I sat down on the blanket and pillows while I watched her start a fire. Last night was amazing and this morning is magical, however I have this dark cloud looming over me as I can feel the absence of my kids.



  Alex laid down next to me, I could feel the warmth of the fire thawing out my toes. “What am I going to say when Sherry calls today wondering  why Josh hasn’t called? Things are going to get ugly, I just feel it. I should have have just called the police the day he left.” I cried. 


“You can’t call now, we just have to wait and see if she calls today. We can go from there, okay?” She said trying to comfort me. 



  Each minute that past felt like it took forever. We tried to keep busy around the house anticipating the dreaded call from Sherry, yet the phone never rang. I am not sure what is worse, the waiting and wondering, or the deafening silence. I have always felt my emotions and stress in my stomach, so this nausea that was slowly creeping up made sense. I quickly jumped up from the couch where I was sitting cuddled up next to Alex and ran to the bathroom, against my will, my lunch made its way back up. I reached over to the toilet paper to wipe the mess from my mouth when I heard Alex knocking softly on the door, “You ok, Mik?” 


  “I’m ok”, I whispered through my tears. “Just give me a minute,” I pleaded while sitting on the cold tile with knees pulled into my chest. My head was pounding, I reached up and grabbed on to the edge of the sink to pull myself up. The muscles in my shoulders and back protested and I winced in pain once I got to my feet. Throwing up really takes a toll on a body, I thought to myself. I stood there staring at my reflection in the mirror, my hair was a mess, my eyes were swollen and filled with tears and my cheeks were red and puffy. I bent down and lapped up some water from the faucet to rinse the foul taste from my mouth,  followed with a quick splash of water to my face. My nerves have again gotten the best of me. 



  I walked out to find Alex leaning against the wall with a worried look on her face. She rushed to my side and helped me back to the couch and covered me with a blanket. She was so caring, such a stark contrast from the vibe I got when I first saw her at the club. Her demeanor that night came across as tough and unapproachable. She had this quiet confidence that oozed from her, it was that vibe she gave off that initially intrigued me. However, this sweet side of Alex made me feel things I haven’t felt in years. It was nice to finally have someone take care of my needs after so many years of being everything for everyone else all the while being neglected. In my marriage, I was ok with the neglect, especially when the only attention he ever gave was violent or cruel in nature. Alex was the opposite of Josh is so many ways, and I find myself falling for her.


 Alex insisted on running down to the market to bring me some crackers and ginger ale to stave off my nausea. I worried about her leaving, I feared dealing with the dreaded phone call alone. Alex looked at me then pointed up at the clock that hung above the fireplace. I guess in all my worrying I failed to notice the time, it was already 6:30 in the evening and the offices have since closed for the day.  Okay, so the chances of her calling after office hours are slim, I thought. Alex kissed my forehead and closed the door behind her. I was left to stew in my thoughts alone, not necessarily a good thing. 


  The more I thought about it, more fears surfaced and I began to feel nauseous again. I paced back and forth swallowing the excess saliva that was filling up in my mouth, when I heard the front door open. “Perfect timing,” I hollered out walking over to meet her at the door. She was holding two bags full of groceries, she reached out with her foot and kicked the door closed. She took one look at my face and realized that I wasn’t feeling well. I followed her into the kitchen while she set the bags down on the counter. She quickly reached in, grabbed a can of ginger ale and popped it open before handing it to me. “Thanks,” I said. 


“Now go sit down, sweetheart,” she gestured toward the couch. I plopped down and began taking small sips from the can, already I was feeling better, not sure if it was the soda or the fact that she was back home with me, it didn’t even matter. I could hear Alex putting the groceries away in the kitchen, I smiled to myself because I was so thankful to have her here. 


  “I think you should call his office and ask for Josh,” I stated very matter of fact. By the look on her face it was obvious that I caught her off guard. She tilted her head to the side, like the way dogs do when you talk to them. “And then what? What is that supposed to accomplish,” she asked. “I don’t know. We play it by ear I guess. I just can’t handle not knowing. Why didn’t she call? Is he back at work?” I unloaded on her. So many things were going through my head and I couldn't just sit back waiting for him to return. My imagination created the worst scenarios and I was just making myself sick with worry. “I would call, but she knows my voice.” I looked at her with pleading eyes. She looked at me long and hard before she replied with a simple, “Okay, I’ll do it.”



 Just knowing that Alex agreed to call the office in the morning had relieved a bit of my anxiety, while a glass of wine handled the rest. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was making a move in the right direction to try and bring my boys home. Sitting here waiting wasn’t accomplishing anything. I guess I thought that Josh would come to his senses and be home already. Clearly, he had an agenda and I was going to get to the bottom of it. With the help of Alex of course.


 We spent the evening like any normal couple, making dinner together while sharing a bottle of wine. I showed her some of my photos and talked about my dreams of making it a real gig. I have always loved art, and photography was my medium of choice. I was surprised to discover that she dabbled in it a bit herself. She preferred taking pictures of landscapes, while I enjoyed those myself, my passion was with people. It was a nice evening getting to know more about Alex, and we were both delighted to learn that we had so many things in common. 


  “I told you a bit about my childhood, but I don’t know much about yours,” she said as she poured me another glass. “Well, like you, I had a drunk for a father,” I replied feeling a little hesitant. Alex told me her darkest secret all the while fearing that I would run the opposite direction. Now it was my turn to bask in the dark memories of my past, I know it couldn’t compare to her story and what she endured, but talking about it is something I typically tried to avoid. Although, this time my chest didn’t feel tight, I didn’t have to clear my throat as an excuse to catch my breath due to my building anxiety. I was comforted at how easy it was talking to her. There was no judgement, no looking down her nose at me. She was a kindred spirit, someone who has lived through hell and came out on top. We are both fighters. All this time I was ashamed of who I was and the path that I was currently on, but now I know I can live through this just like I survived my childhood, and the same way Alex survived hers. Today, right now in this moment, with her by my side I felt like everything was going to be alright. 


  Alex and I were able to connect on a deeper level, unlike any relationship I have ever had. Once this was over, I was going to divorce Josh and fight for my kids. We were going to be happy, I was going to follow my dreams of becoming a photographer and life was going to be great. I don’t know if it was the alcohol talking or not, but right now I was feeling pretty content. I knew right then that Alex would remain a part of my life forever. 


 “What?” She said with that half smile as she played with my hair. “What are you smirking at?” She continued. “Just you,” I said with a sigh. “I am just so amazed at how easy it is to be with you, that’s all,” then I leaned in for a kiss. Feeling her soft lips touch mine sent my head spinning with desire. My heart began to pump harder and I began breathing heavy, she slipped her hands up the back of my shirt and caressed my back. With a little pivot she fell back on the couch and pulled me down on top of her. We continued kissing, she gently nibbled my bottom lip every so often which sent goosebumps traveling over my body. Her hands moved down and grabbed my ass. God I wanted her more than I have ever wanted anyone. Instead, my head fell down on her chest while I just laid there listening to her heart beating so fast then eventually slow to a more normal pace as we laid there quietly enmeshed in eachothers arms. This is what being love was supposed to feel like I decided. 



  I woke up still in her arms, I had to pee so bad and had to wiggle myself off of the couch without waking her. Thankfully she seemed to be sound asleep. The house was cold and the glow of the fire fizzled so I threw on another log and ran to the bathroom while it started to burn. I turned off the bathroom light then decided to head down the hall to my bedroom to grab some socks for my cold feet. Passing the boys room I couldn’t help but go in. I sat on Drew’s bed and grabbed his pillow. I sat there letting my thoughts get the best of me. I wondered if they were thinking of me and if Josh was taking good care of them. Was he cutting the crust off of the bread like David liked? Did he help Drew with brushing his teeth? Was he there to cover them up in the middle of the night? These are the thoughts that crippled my mind and heightened my fears. What did they think was going on, where did they think I was? My heart was aching, I fell down on his bed, curled up under his blankie and drifted off to sleep in a puddle of tears. 


  That night I dreamt of them. I was giving them a bath like I always do, I pulled them one by one out of the tub and wrapped them in their hooded towels. David’s towel was a white and grey airplane and Drew had a red and blue spiderman towel. They were giggling and ran out of the bathroom so I got up to chase them. I stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall and they were gone. I kept running trying to get to their room but it was as if I was stuck running in place. I tried to yell but nothing came out. I kept thinking that if I could just go faster I could get to them. Suddenly, each step felt as though I were trudging in quicksand. I looked down and began to panic, I was sinking. Everything around me was dark, like someone turned off all of the lights. The air in the room became thin and my breaths were shallow, I looked down again searching for a way to free myself and that’s when I saw Josh’s angry face, he had a grip on my ankles, trying so hard to pull me down into the quicksand. I began screaming and kicking, doing anything I could to free myself from him. “I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die,” I kept yelling, when I felt something shaking me, at first I was confused, I could hear someone calling my name but couldn’t make sense of it. I felt the light pour across my face and I opened my eyes to Alex saying my name. I gasped as I looked around the room in a panic then slowly calmed down when I realized that it was just a dream. I was still in the boy’s room and Alex was worried, she cupped my face in her hands and kept asking me what happened. “It was a bad dream, just a bad dream,” I repeated while wiping the tears from my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me and kept telling me that it’s ok, and it was going to be ok. I could feel her body trembling too. “I thought you were hurt, I heard you screaming and I couldn’t find you. How did you get in here?” 

“I woke up to put a log on the fire and go to the bathroom. I was cold so I went to get socks and on the way down the hall I stopped into the boys room, I must have fallen asleep.” We both sat there, entangled in each other allowing our adrenaline to slow. 



  Alex lifted my chin up to look at her and just said, “Good Morning,”


“Good morning,” I said back with a little smile “I’m glad you are here.”


“Me too,” she said before she kissed me.