Category : Blogs

Sub Category : LifeStyle

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been an avid reader - thanks to my mom, the person who had instilled the interest in me. As a kid, I also had an overactive imagination. From the books I read, I began to create my own stories in my head. Then one day, I went to the book shop and bought myself a pretty notebook. I began to pen down the stories in my head. The more I wrote, the more interested I became and slowly it grew into a passion.

Growing up, I had always been a restless kid. I just couldn't sit still to play with my dolls and talk to imaginary friends. I get bored easily. I found I had to always keep my mind occupied with doing something creative like draw, craft work, paint, and of course, writing.

After high school, I went to a local private college and took up Secretarial Course. I figured, learning the necessary skill would help me in the long run, plus it would be something I can fall back on should my plans don't work out. I completed the course then went out into the world to work. My first job was as a Personal Assistant to the owner of an Advertising Agency. My official duty was to keep him on track daily on all his meetings and job assignments. It was a 9 to 5 desk job. Then one day, he held a photoshoot at the studio in the office. It was an ad for some beauty product and the shoot went on till after office hours. I snuck into the studio to watch and I was intrigued. Later that night, I told my dad that I didn't want to work anymore, instead I wanted to continue my studies. My dad knew trying to persuade me to look for a job in another field would be a fruitless effort. And after sharing with him what I witnessed at the photoshoot, he gathered that studying something of the creative nature would be more of my interest. And so, he looked around and did some research.

In the meantime, true to my word, I handed in my resignation the very next day. A few days later, my dad came home from work with a stack of forms in his hands. He called me up to his room and showed me the forms. They were application forms for The Malaysian Film Academy. A whole stack of them. He asked if I would be interested to study there. Are you kidding me?! Hell yes, I'm interested! Dad sat with me as we filled up the forms together. In one of the sections, I was required to write a short essay on why I want to be a Filmmaker. That was when I got stuck. Why? Because I was required to write the essay in the Malay language, and even though that language is my mother tongue, when it comes to writing, I have always written in English. "No problem," dad said, "you write your essay in English and once you're done, I'll translate it for you."

I became a student in the Academy in 1989. There, I learned everything there is to learn about filmmaking; from script writing, to directing, producing, editing, cinematography, lighting, casting, music scores, the whole nine yards. Needless to say, my favorite subject was Script Writing. Producing came close after it.

After graduating from the Academy in 1991, I landed myself a job as a Receptionist in Axis Films; a Production House that deals in making TV Commercials. My salary then was $500.00 a month (in 1992); barely enough for me to do anything. But it didn't matter.  I was hungry to learn new skills while I was there. I always carry a notebook with me everywhere I go and I always take notes; it was no different back then. In Axis, I began to dream of becoming a Producer. Unfortunately, there were no open spots available so they promoted me to be the Production Secretary - another desk job. I began to feel restless again for I wanted more. I wanted to be part of the Creative team and be in the field with them. That didn't happen so I left my job there.

A few months later, I landed myself a job as a Production Secretary in Jemima Films; another Production House dealing in TV Commercials. My starting salary was $1,200.00 a month and I was under a six months probation. During that period, I got to learn a lot about the workings of making and producing TV Commercials as I was part of the Production and Creative team. It was during that period where I had set a target for myself. I wanted to become a Producer. I worked my butt off everyday, pulling some really crazy hours and at the same time I increased my knowledge of the industry. I became a workaholic with no social life. Through sheer hardwork and determination, I achieved my goal within one and a half years. I became not just a full fledged Producer, but one with a highly respected reputation. Today, I have fulfilled my goal and I am a freelance Producer by profession. But still, something is missing.

The dream I had as a child to pursue my passion in writing has not been fulfilled. That is what's missing. So after I left my job at Jemima Films, I started writing again. I would help to write proposals for job pitch, I would help to collaborate on scripts, but those are for other people, not for me. It is not what I want. What I want is to put my own writings out there for people to see. Not for fame or publicity, but more for the satisfaction of having my words being read by the masses.

I first tried it out on my Facebook page. I wrote about all kinds of stuff and each piece of writing is accompanied by a picture that is related to my piece. That's the Filmmaker in me; adding visual to the words. Soon, I learned the hard way that a lot of people on Facebook prefer to look at pictures of other people and the things they're up to just so they would have things to talk and gossip about. I began to get a lot of heat from so-called "friends" telling me I should take my writings elsewhere and that I don't belong there. And some of them were downright nasty too.

I am ashamed to admit that at first I had allowed their hate get to me. I shrank away and stopped writing on my Facebook page. Then I started thinking and asked myself why I was being stupid to let them get to me. If I want to pursue my dream and let my writings be seen, I must be willing to go against the flow of popular consensus. I must be fearless in my pursuit of my truth and my passion. It may not endear me to the masses for they may secretly love to hate me, but I should let it be written anyway. Sometimes, what we need to hear are the very thing others won't say. So what if I get hate mail? Is that going to make me quit my dream and my passion? I figured if I'm going to quit anything, I should quit making excuses and quit waiting for the "right" time. For a goal without a plan is just a wish. So yes, I'm still filling up my Facebook page with my writings. My wall, my call.

When I create something beautiful and nobody notice,  I'm not going to be sad. For the sun rises every morning and it's a beautiful spectacle  and yet, most of the audience still sleeps. Every day is a once in a lifetime for me. The size of the audience doesn't matter. I am just going to keep doing my thing. Why? Because this girl is hungry.