Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Here's part 2.

It's now summer of 2005. I'm 12. My sister is 14. 
Katrina. Being in southern Louisiana you know how bad hurricanes can be. We didn't know how bad it would become or anything. I'm still struggling to sleep and having headaches. The woman in white was around but not the blue man, the man in the woods, or the little girl. Or so I thought. We evacuated as many did. Thank goodness we did. I didn't like storms. A stormy night was worse than a normal one. My grandpa got sicker. His kidneys decided they didn't like to work and his heart got weaker. At my aunt's house where we stayed during the storm, my grandpa had to go to the er. The night prior was Katrina hitting. My grandma's sister gave all us kids some benadryl to help us sleep. My great grandma was alive then and she wasn't doing well. The family crowded into one room. My sister and I shared a bed and my grandparents shared the other. I was awoken by my grandpa saying to go to sleep. I didn't answer as I was asleep it couldn't of been me he was talking to. I heard her voice. She was laughing. She said it's going to be okay about 4 or 5 times. My grandpa now annoyed said we better stop and go to sleep. I didn't hear anything the rest of the night. The next day it was over. She passed and left her damage. We saw the news. Grandpa immediately wanted to check the house but was told to wait. He couldn't go urinate. He tried and nothing would come out. He said he was hurting and felt sick. He didn't want to go to the hospital. They would be packed. The family eventually talked him into it and said they would watch us girls. My grandma took him to the hospital. I'm not sure how they ran tests, I guess a back up generator or something. It was hot. We were getting on each other's nerves. My cousins were driving me insane. My head was killing me and I just wanted my grandpa and sleep. All they could do was give me Tylenol and have me rest. Trying to rest I heard the voice again. It's okay. It's okay. That was it. He was there all night and all the next day. 
He came back. His kidneys were failing but they were able to help him.
We stayed for a week. My grandparents went back to the house to see the damage. They found nothing wrong so they came back and brought us home. 
We had no a.c. it was hot. This made my headaches worse and we were frustrated. We used a lot of gas driving to use the car a.c. Anyone living in Louisiana during this knows the struggle. Schools were closed. We were bored. I continued to get sicker along with my grandpa. We found ourselves in the hospital on multiple occasions. Finally some people from fema came out to assess the damage. They discovered the house was lifted from the foundation and put back. It shifted. The electrical wiring was messed up and we had mold. My grandpa didn't want the fema trailers so he tried to do repairs. 
Thanksgiving 2005:
Yes another storm. We had our electricity. It wasn't so hot and we had a lot to be thankful for. We had a home. We had each other. My grandma was cooking. I was in bed. I heard laughing. Not from the girl but it was a man. It wasn't nice. All of a sudden all you hear is what sounded like an explosion. Great. The top to my vcr flew off and nearly hit me. It shook the house. I keep hearing laughter. I ran out the house seeing and smelling smoke. The fire department was called. My aunt and uncle came by. Lightening struck our house. I kept asking who was laughing. Nobody was. Let's just add on to the stress. Grandpa needed to go back to the hospital. He was sick again. 
My grandma didn't tell us she was waiting on some other help to get the house fixed. 
Christmas time. I was sick grandpa was sick. I was dropping weight like crazy. Food made me sick. My head was killing me. The voices were strong. I thought I was going insane. Nobody would listen. Finally time to plug the tree. I did. It caught on fire. Great. 
2006. We got approved for a new trailer. Road home approved us and we could get out of the old place. We had hopes of us getting better. It's my freshman year. I kept saying the voices won't hush. I kept asking for help. From being sick and hurting all the time my relief came as pain meds. I'm still in the old house. Our new one hadn't arrived. We were waiting on it. I took too much medicine for a headache. I was sick. I knocked out. I floated above my body and kept going. There it was. Clouds. Absolute beauty. I was greated by a man. He was in a suit. He told me I was visiting. I asked where. He didn't say. I met up with a different man. I didn't see his face at all. I remember knowing who he was though. Jesus. I was in heaven. It's beautiful. He reminded me I wasn't staying. He told me somebody wanted to see me. Before Katrina and before I got into pain meds trying to cope with headaches my best friend died. He was killed in a tragic accident in the pits. Mud fell on him and crushed him. He was a tiny guy. I walked through heaven and stopped by him. I remembered him. He said he missed me. He also said he wanted to see many many years from now but I needed to stop the life I was living. I agreed. I hugged him goodbye. I woke up. It made me very sick. That was the last day I abused pain meds. I turned my life around. I suffered the migraines but I just let myself suffer. Nobody would listen anyways. 
Finally the new place came and my oldest sister moved in with us. She was expecting my first nephew. I was so excited. The activity stopped for a while.  My brother moved into the back house needing a place to stay. His time was short. He ran out the house one night and said he wouldn't ever step foot in there again. He woke up jeeeint to use the bathroom. When he looked in the mirror a woman in white was staring at him. He heard a man telling him to leave. He ran out. 
My uncle who stayed with us when my grandpa had his surgery lost his house and was divorced. He was about to be homeless. My grandpa went and got him and he moved into that house. He already had one experience prior but thought it may have been a bad dream. He was warned of the mold and electrical issues. His friend did home repairs for a living and said he can help and had people who can fix it cheap or even free depending on who could. 
My uncle stayed in the house for months but I noticed him drinking more than usual. He started to become verbally mean and often secluded. My grandpa was getting worse. The girls voice came back. I kept hearing her laugh. By this time I was dating and I spent more time with friends than home. I joined the njrotc and the band's color guard. My time was spent working out, at various practices (sometimes for drill or color guard and some days both). I worked the football games, even jv games, to help pay for uniforms and the trips for both. The school basically said for each hour I work they'll knock off x amount of money for the things I wanted to do. It was cheaper on them than paying outside help and it saved my family money. Plus I wasn't home. The voices stayed. 
One day it hit me hard. I was in a daze. I didn't know who I was or why I was here. I knew when people said my name I was supposed to respond but didn't know why. The panic attacks started. I felt like I had no control of my emotions or body sometimes. I'd shake bad and couldn't talk. I had nightmares in class while I was awake. I remember once sitting in class and I saw a plane crash through the building. I screamed and panicked. They kept me in the counseling room at the school. My instructor agreed not to tell my parents what I was saying but suggested I see a medical professional. He was a Dr in the navy and said I was showing signs of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I kept saying I was fine and stopped seeking help. I didn't want any mental disorder as I had hopes of joining the navy after graduation in 3 years. My bf at the time was very abusive. Physically and mentally. I tried talking to him about what I was going through but he assumed it was me covering up cheating or drug abuse. I had been sober for years. He didn't know about my past. I didn't tell him. I'd walk down the halls and see other students who I've never seen before. They always vanished when I went to look a 2nd time. If I was in a vehicle going down the road I'd see people standing in the road and wonder why the cars wouldn't stop why did they hit them and where did they go? The voices consumed my life. I had another breakdown except my bf took it too far. He told the school I was being raped and abused at home. I was forced to talk. I told him I was in bed and I didn't know who was in my room. The guy would hit me. I never had marks or signs of abuse. So they finally called my parents. I had to seek help. The Dr said I was bipolar. So everything I heard as a kid was in my head. That's what was said. I was on so much medicine trying to figure what would work. One in particular was on a as needed basis. Meaning if I started seeing and hearing stuff to take it. It never helped. It made me sleep but the sleep paralysis got worse. So time for a strong sleeping pill. I had nightmares.
It was like a horror movie. Some I don't remember but I would wake up with a fast heart rate and sweat. Like I ran 10 miles and forgot to breathe the entire time. My grandpa would come to my room and say I was screaming and moving like I was trying to run away but couldn't. One I remember. I was back in the old house except it wasn't designed how my grandpa had it when I was a kid. The color was fresher and it was also darker if that makes sense. There was a little girl, a man, and a woman. I recognized them. No I never saw the girl before but I knew her. She was full of life and so pretty. Curls for days and a smile that could cheer anyone up. In the dream I was that girl. The woman was the woman in white. She was so nice and loving. The man was the blue man. He worked a lot but was a devote father and husband. Well I (as the girl) went outside to play in the yard. There wasn't any houses like there was growing up. The yard had a lot of trees and was very wooded. I heard a man call. I looked over. Frightened I went to run to my mom. He caught me. I was in the woods. There it was... The knife. I was attacked. My mother came out screaming and ran to me. It was too late. She ran for help. The police came out and went looking for whoever did this to me. He was never caught. My father came home. He was angry and hurt. On the other side of the property it was found. The weapon, the knife. Put in its case. My blood on it. My father vowed he would not rest until this man was caught and got what he deserved. I woke up. All the pieces were put together. 
Finally. The voices stopped. I quit seeing people. Things felt normal. Besides the abusive bf. I finally split with him. He threatened to kill me and my family. We had to put security cameras up and even alarms on the Windows. 
My uncle started talking to the family again and stopped drinking so much. He continued the repairs. 
My grandpa's kidneys shut down again. He was on dialysis. It was not working. He broke his hip. His heart was failing more and more and fluid was going into his lungs and around his heart. 
He woke up one night and wanted toast. My grandma got up with him to make it. He was in his power chair. He ran into the wall and it flipped. My grandma ran to him and fell. She hit her head really hard. They both needed to go to the hospital. My grandpa said he couldn't he was refusing. I was begging. I thought they could save his life. He told the paramedics if I go the little girl said I won't come home. I can't leave my family. I convinced him.
They admitted both my parents. 
My uncle came to help my grandpa get up but when he saw how bad it was he wasn't the same anymore. My aunt and other uncle stayed with my sister and I that night. My brother was staying with my mom in her camper. He heard the voices again. My brother saw the woman and blue man again. He tripped out. Went into our house. Found my grandpa be be gun and stole our meds. He took my car keys and grandpa truck keys. The cops were called because my brother grew violent. I took sleeping pills and I didn't hear anything. He shot my aunt with the be be gun. He was so messed up on the pills. The next day we saw the keys were gone. He took other items from the house as well. He doesn't remember anything from that night to know why he did it other than he saw these people again and heard voices. That's all he said. The voice made me do it. My grandma was discharged the next day and my aunt and uncle didn't press charges as long as he went to rehab and got help. My grandpa was coming home but not in a good way. 
Hospice was called in. The Dr said he was too far gone and they couldn't save his life. He was too sick and basically since nothing worked his body was filling with fluid and poisoned him. His blood pressure was deadly low. 
The hospice nurse was nice. All of them. He had a nurse present 24 hours a day. If he woke they would give him morphine because he was in pain. They did it to keep him comfortable during his passing. The Dr said a week maybe 2. It was 3 days. I had my first date with a crush from my first job. He was amazing. My grandpa told grandma no matter what I was to go on the date. We had this planned for 2 weeks before the accident. I was going to cancel but my grandpa said he didn't want me to. 
His last few words were loving and concerning. He asked my grandma if she wanted to get remarried for their 50th wedding anniversary. She smiled and said yes. He then asked if we were sure my abusive ex was out the picture. She said yes. He said okay well the little girl said it's time to go now. He went to sleep. He passed the next morning some time after 6 am. 
It was raining. The hearse came and picked him up. As they pushed him down the ramp a beam of light came down on his body. Where the light was it wasn't raining. As he passed it would rain. My grandma finally spoke about his encounters with the girl. 

This will be in part 3