Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I know how hard it can be to wake up in the mornings. Each day the world gets a little darker. And you still have to find a way to let your children believe that there is hope for a future.. But how do you prepare them for Death and loss that makes adults buckle at the knees and brings nightmares to life??  How do you tell a child that each day could be their last. 

What about explaining to them that one day they may end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and never make it back home? There's no way to prepare anyone for giving birth to a still born baby or a child passing from SIDS. Or accidentally rolling over on an infant. So many things could be talked about but nothing could compare to this pain and heartbreak. Some go through more pain and suffering than others. 

Like a mother could feel her baby moving her whole pregnancy then have a still born and her world could crumble around her. Her heart could shatter and dissolve into the darkness, having to continue to live life while her husband or family blame her for the loss of the baby. While the husband may hurt, he didn't feel that connection that mother's have with the baby. He doesn't know how hard she has to fight to not die in real life as she did inside. 

Why do we put our children in school still if school doesn't teach kids how to be functioning members of society? We teach them how to count and raise their hands. Even to not speak until called upon or to bend at will to please teachers and bosses. But no one teaches them how to grow or raise their own food. Who shows them how to change the world if we are killing each other and blaming other countries. 

Who is going to show them how to never depend on anyone? Who will teach them that eventually all they will have in their time of need is a pen, paper, THC, and music? Who has the heart to tell them that only a few people will be there but everyone else has to work and life doesn't stop because you need them or need a break. Who can crush the dreams of the children to tell them that the world isn't picture perfect like they think? Who has so much hate for this world that they have to ruin the hopes and dreams of the children and young adults? 

And since when has it been okay to criticize how long or how someone grieves?? Just because you can keep going with your life unphased by anything doesn't mean that everyone can. Some cry in private as to not be a burden. And others have the support of many so they never feel like they are alone. No one is innocent no matter how hard we try. 

When someone asks me if I'm okay, I respond back with "I'm trying to be" or "I'm just numb". It's so much easier than trying to explain to someone that I'm shattered inside and have no way to keep the pieces from falling. I'm devastated right now and I have to pretend like I'm okay for my daughter. But no one can understand my hellish nightmare, just as I'll never understand anyone else's pain. 

No one can ask me to blindly put my faith in the same person who took so much from me already, crushing my soul and destroying my heart. We don't feel like the free and none of us act like the brave. Each day we turn into slaves of the system and cowards behind a gun and behind all the lies that hold this Nation so high. The broken will always be broken but the strong eventually aren't strong enough.