Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I'm pissed off at you Matty. And yet I still found ways to be mad at myself too. I'm pissed off at you because of so many reasons. Like you didn't come through on your promises. I believed you when you said that you wouldn't walk out on me and said I was stuck with you no matter what.

 What happened to that???? Of course I'm upset and crying but it doesn't actually mean that you should drop me the first chance you get.... I really needed to hear you say that you are here. I needed to feel you pull me closer to you and just hold me for a while so I didn't completely fall apart. Some how you always had a way to make me feel grounded so I didn't lose sight of reality. 

But as always, you aren't here.. You only come around when you need or want some thing. I had actually hoped that you would fight to keep me but you really walked away. I told you that if you only care about me to let me go because I know you don't love me. And I said to either step up to your promises or sit down and I'll continue to do it by myself.  

After everything we have been through and you still can't accept the fact that I actually love you. I hate how you make me feel about you. I hate you for lying to me all this time. And I hate you for actually leaving me. 

Fuck you for breaking ALL of your promises. Fuck you for pretending to give a fuck about me. Fuck you for letting me fall for you repeatedly while you still played your games and never had any intentions of being with me. Fuck you for not being here. And a really big Fuck you for showing me that you can only care about one person- You. 

I hate you for making me need you even with hatred on my mind and sadness in my heart. Tears flooding out, racing down my face and all I want is for you to hold me. Your support is what I needed. But yet again I'm alone. Really I should be thanking you for making me become my own hero.. 

You were the finally straw that broke me. You helped to create a void that I can't repair and helped to break my faith in everyone and everything except myself. Thank you for freeing me of my self doubt though. Good lookin out on that one bruh.