Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I laid on the bed once again wondering why I am even awake dreading the morning like usual knowing what's to come which is not much at all just to wake up to walk down the steps to lay back down on the couch I sit on the couch as my mind races back and forth through all these different types of thought you are not yet ready to hear I say to myself what really is the point my purpose my meaning my nothing I reach over and grab my pill case and swallow the 6 pills that control my life till the day I die. Not just in the morning but in the evening and at night it seems like they are my life right now for I can't walk too far I can't go too far I can't go outside a lot I'm trapped inside this body screaming and yelling out so bad 110 wanting out to free my soul wanting out to no longer feel the coldness that captured my heart a long time ago I truly have no idea what to do with myself I like cigarette and realize I almost have none and that means I must get up to walk I must get ready but it's so hard it's so so hard it almost makes me cry inside because even just getting up my body can't take this cold. So instead I go online and look at all my dreams I had to leave behind. Every morning is the same something needs to change. My thoughts right now would make you think I'm insane but actually its quite the opposite for the truth it is and its me inside my head my thoughts my beliefs its me and even that was taken from me.  Coffee is done and I'm looking at wholesaling and mmy patentsbi want and the Ouse I want to flip and the weighted like to lose. So many thoughts so many thingsbi feel like me time is cut short already has been and now death grows even more near. What ambi to do ? But these are just thoughts a thought a must fight to not manifest itself. I decided to keep a journal again an outlet of my life. Day by day play book. This is just the a.m.