Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

People say when one door closes another one opens. But what if the door I'm hoping would open remains close, what then? Would I be happy to just settle with whichever door that opens when my heart is set on one particular door? An easy and honest answer to that is no.

My next question.... am I ready to close a door? This is something I've thought long and hard and after weighing everything that needs to be weighed.... yes, I am ready to close that door. However, closing that door would mean I will be going through an emotional rollercoaster where I know I would be tossed and slammed from many corners, and on top of that, there is the waiting process - like a prison sentence where I would have to go through the process of parole hearing before I am granted parole. Am I strong enough to face all that alone without spiralling down into the black hole? I would like to believe I wouldn't have to face it alone; you would at least be there for me but that is a luxury I don't have. I don't know what's really on your mind. I don't even know if we are on the same page and want the same thing. Knowing my luck, I could have misread the signals completely. That's a huge possibility.

And so, here I stand at the door with one foot in and one foot out; waiting. What exactly am I waiting for? If I'm waiting for a sign, it is safe to say I have had a couple shown to me recently including a few more long ago. But what if I misread the sign or the signs shown are incomplete and there are more to come but out of desperate impatience I go ahead and slam the door and everything blows up in my face? Are you going to be around to help me pick up the pieces or are you just going to walk away saying, "not my problem", and continue to fly with your silence?

My last and biggest question.... do you even have a door for me to knock on...?