Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

Retirement Planning...
When I retired in January 2015 I was surprised how little I was prepared for the financial adjustment complicated by the delay in receiving that pension check....Here is my story...I hope those new and pending retirees learn from my experiences...

Hi all

Well, I hope all is well back at the office. I thought it was time to let you know how retirement life is going. It's kind of nice have no commitments and to just do what I want each day. Of course, now that I don't have all those conference and Live Meeting calls I have a lot less time to play the ukulele. 

I like to look out the window and enjoy the scenery a lot. I never realized all the animals in the area before. All kinds of birds, rabbits squirrels, raccoons and foxes. It's so relaxing.

I haven't received a check yet but so far so good. I've been playing the ukulele in the subway to earn a little cash. It's surprising how many people will drop money in the bucket. I've discovered they will usually pay even more if I stop singing along. 

It was definitely a good idea to retire as the bad weather hit. I bought a squeegee with my Uke earnings and it's pretty easy to pull in another $25 a day cleaning car windows if I can get a good corner. Some people yell out that I should get a job but so far I've resisted the urge to come back to work.

Gas prices have really dropped but we still try to conserve fuel whenever possible. Fortunately, the trip to the supermarket is downhill so we coasted all the way. I hope to go back and get the car when I can get a hold of some more gas.

We were thrilled to find out there was a great sale on ketchup and crackers so we stocked up on both and are looking forward to a nice hot tomato soup dinner if we can get a fire going.

I had to skip the mortgage payment so the bank changed the locks. Fortunately a nice family down the street let us camp out in their backyard a few nights but they got upset when we used some of their fence in our campfire to keep warm and cook the squirrel. 

It turned out pretty good though. We got a free ride from the police. We slept on nice cots and had 3 hot meals a day. I was a bit disappointed when they decided not to press charges and we were released from jail after only 3 days. Oh well we just had to adapt again. Retirement seems to be all about adapting.

We found a nice place to camp by a creek so things were looking up. We had running water and plenty of firewood. We also brought Sophie, our cat along so it really felt like home.

After 3 days there was a terrible rainstorm and all our belongings including the remaining crackers and ketchup were washed away. Fortunately we survived but were heartbroken to discover that Sophie the cat was also washed away in the swift creek waters.

We gathered ourselves and set off downstream in hopes of recovering our supplies. You can't imagine how happy we were to find the crackers but the best gift was that Sophie was still alive sitting on the side of the creek. We hadn't eaten in quite some time so we feasted on a nice roast with cracker stuffing and a Ketchup glaze. It was the best hot meal to date. We slept soundly that night but we sure are going to miss that cat.

Well I'm going to stop in the bank later to see if my retirement checks have started. We'll probably pay the mortgage and move back home but this retirement life has been really exciting so far so who knows what we'll do.

Well that's about it for now. Tomorrow we're heading back to PetSmart... You never know when you'll need another cat...