Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Most of us are creatures of habit. We tend to stick to routines or situations even when we find they no longer serve us. Even when we are miserable, we stick to them instead of letting go to find something else that would make us feel better. Why do we do that? Why do we torture ourselves that way? Why are we so reluctant to let go?

A few months ago I sat myself down and asked myself these questions. I knew I had to be honest with myself if I truly want real answers. And so, I looked back to the time when these questions first triggered inside me.

I forced myself to look at the situation. I had to make a decision, maybe even have a confrontation. In the end, I made a clear revelation, which in turn had brought on a newfound confusion. A whole lot of emotional turmoil. It was hard but the time has come where I had to do what I needed to do to obtain self freedom and peace of mind.

Seeing the words written here seems like it was a simple and easy thing to do - the choice to make a decision for myself that would set me free. But in reality, it was not as simple or as easy as it seems. Why? Because when I chose to make my decision I knew I would be hurting someone. Did I like it, hurting someone? No. Did I have a choice? Yes. I could choose to spare their feelings and continue to be miserable, OR.... I could choose to think of what's best for me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I chose the latter. In doing so, I had hurt the other party and it doesn't sit well with me. But like I said, I had to do what I needed to do for me.

Even though the matter had not been fully solved, the long standing issue that has been weighing me down has finally got the attention it needed. I laid it all out on the table - the hard, cold facts and I did it with no bullshit, no filter and no sugarcoating. I kept raw and I was brutally honest. I brought it out in the open and demanded to be heard and be taken seriously. I refuse to be ignored or dismissed. This time, I am calling the shots.