Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I feel like I have always wanted to reach the level of enlightenment.
It seems as if I have mentally and emotionally been reborn. 

I was so oblivious, careless, self destructive and lifeless. 
That will happen when you allow yourself to fall into that deep dark abyss lurking in your mind. 
It was as if I was on auto pilot at times, leading my vessels nosediving into complete oblivion. 

I am mortal, I can't survive everything and will have to face the inevitable. 
There is no more fear of the inevitable in me, finally set free from the shackles, so tightly restrained to the nightmare i imprisoned myself in. 

I don't want to live forever, I want to be remembered and make some sort of mark while I am here, memories were made and are still to be made. 

I see now, what we do here, what we improve, what we destroy, how many lives we touch will become a memory. Might be a good one, might be a bad one but after we pass we will only be living through memories of those effected by us. 

Mistakes were made by all of us, how you recover after will show a lot. Everyone has their own personal belief of where we go after we leave our vessel here on earth. 

Heaven, hell, whatever it may be is their own beliefs. No one should tell you what to believe in. 

I say this because what I believe in is myself. No, I'm not being conceded or self righteous, not at all. 

You see, what I believe is while I am here on earth growing, learning and experiencing, I am the one in control.
No one can tell you who you are, what to think, how to feel, that's only if you allow them to manipulate your mind. 

You see, 23 years of living here in this human vessel, I allowed so many people and so much in my past  to influence my perception of reality.
A reality that I had a personal choice on how to view it and how to live in it. 

Free will, we all have it, still people have others run their life.

Life got blurry, life just began to speed up while I slowed down. I just never tried to catch up with what was going on, my perception needed some work. 

Living my life in negative ways that could have been prevented. 
My perception needed some support, with a simple idea, whispered in my head.

A soft whisper, one that could have or has been ignored or spoken over by others. Was the cause of this enlightenment. 
It grew, that distant whisper. 
It was becoming more familiar. 

Now I hear the voice clearly, it's mine. 

A voice repressed by the influences, experiences and most of all lack of independence made others voices infect my thoughts, emotions and beliefs with their personal beliefs and morals. 

People pray and practice what they believe in, it gives them hope throughout this life until the unknown transition to where they personally believe they go to. 

No one should say anyone's beliefs are wrong, we won't ever know where they go, we just know where we go ourselves. 

Someone once told me, 

"Enlightenment will be achieved once I get to heaven" 

I didn't think much of it but if that is the case, enlightenment was achieved just a few days ago.

Enlightenment caused me to see the world completely differently than I use to. All caused by a voice within I wasn't too familiar with. 

As I began to listen to the voice I began to realize things getting better, things got done that usually don't and I started seeing things I didn't see before. 

Intrigued and accepting to the clearness in my views of life now made me smile as I heard *my voice* in my head proudly say,

"You did this, You're in control." 

Enlightenment has been achieved.

Pondering through my life in just a few moments I come up with a personal opinion on life, death, heaven and hell. 

Honestly, religion always made me think and question a lot.
We all expire, that time will come.
We got the opportunity to live. 
Be aware of where you are, take it all in. We mustn't worry, we all face the end. Embrace the time you have here, build your own world. 

Your perception, I believe, influences the most in your life. 
Fear, hate, being guarded, and the lack to be open minded can take over the mind real quick after a traumatic event or betrayal etc. 

Things will not always be good and vice versa with being bad. These experiences cause you to create it to be heaven or hell because of emotions and thoughts. 

Look, no one has to agree with me, I am just putting my opinion out there.

You see, what I am trying to say is, i don't know if there is a god or not, don't push anything down my throat. 
I have discussed about a lot of religion. I listen to that hope or "enlightenment" from others to hear what people believe in. 
When I talk about my spirituality and beliefs to someone with religion I feel judged and also have been told that 
I call myself god or that it's blasphemy spoken to very condescendingly.

Funny isn't it?

Those who speak to me as if I am thinking I am greater than god, go ahead and speak to me as if they are greater than me..

I listened and discussed with many people practicing many religions even with those who don't believe in a god. 

Great theories, thoughts, beliefs and stories I have heard. 
Those discussions with those who practice religion had few moments where I got to discuss about my beliefs before being cut off, got laughed at or ignored and spoken over. 

I'm not mad, but I'll put this in perspective. 

Someone to point the finger at someone and say they are self righteous or conceded, anything along those lines and then turns out to be the one to boast about themselves preach what they believe about love, acceptance, forgiveness etc etc and go around and laugh at others beliefs...not going to waste my energy in an argument. 

You can talk over me or anyone else as loud as you want, doesn't mean you're being heard. Before you point your finger, dislike someone or disagree with someone, make sure you look in the mirror. 

If you listened to someone else for once you might see that simply being open minded, having basic manners and consideration can open up to an exchange of knowledge, experiences, thoughts, feelings and beliefs with another human, leading to you helping them or them helping you. 

To those that have or will call me self righteous for believing in myself, I must ask, would you rather expect someone to do everything for you? Think for you? Tell you when and how to do things? Sorry, I haven't forgotten about my free will, i will be an individual and will live and learn. 

All I have to say is I'm the one listening attentively, comprehending conversations giving reasonable and valid responses. If you don't want to listen and just have a one way conversation with yourself, you're missing out. 

What I've seen, heard and felt throughout these encounters, experiences and conversations is my own personal growth. Personal acceptance. 

I am enlightened. 

Signed, 
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.