Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

  I was a little girl growing up with a father as a bad alcoholic  moving from place to place  as my dad would be at work but then come home drunk   my father would always take his check and spend it on beer  or going to the bars  in stead of paying rent for a roof over our head  sometimes he would come home  and  would be so drunk he would  hit on my mom or yell at us kids or  smash up things in the house  so my mom would have to pack up us kids and run to a friend's house or relative  and stay the night and hide  till morning  till we could go home  to see him passed out on the floor and things broken in our home    and watching him sick all day from drinking   was not a fun site to see   I remember so meny things grwgrwing up   from ad hitting us with belts and fists  watching my sister hide because she couldn't have a boyfriend and couldn't even talk we were so scared to say anything round my father   but watching my mom just take everything from him  was pure hell to see  my mother was a strong women  she protected us  she snuck money for food and clothing   my f
rather didn't like it because it was his money  he worked for and it wasn't going toward him.    So my mom would try to make it easier and by dad something wen she had to bye us stuff we needed to save a fight.  My sister and I ended up in a foster home   at one time I don't remember much but I remember mom coming to see us one time with my brother  and the lady who had us was really mean.    My father would go from job to job.  As we went from home to home not staying in one place long  ...   At one time we moved to Florida because he had no work in Toledo  again drinking all the time    we lived there for a couple years but it was rough   I remember leaving to head back home to Toledo leaving my dogs behind thay were left at the house sitting in a chair curled up with each other as we left down the street.  And it was the last time I seen them again   I always wonder about my dogs and what happened to them after we left my dad wouldn't take them with us home. So he left them.  As we got back we lived with my grandma grandpa. For a while don't remember much then but I remember  my mom crying and being at my grandpa's funeral. He had died on the golf course  from a heart attack.  Staying with my grandma for awhile then as I watched her cry as she was heartbroken   I didn't understand alot  back then. But I knew things were wrong. I was little.  ..  about  6 years old  not far after I remember my gagandm getting sick in and out of the hospital   and one day she never came home she had passed away in the hospital from lung cancer  and remember at her funeral  everyone crying. As we went home to my grandma's things got out of hand  my mom tryed to leave my dad dropped him off at a train station  he as gone for awhile things seemed paceful.  Till one night we were all sleeping  and dad came back with anger  breaking Windows in the whole house  screaming to let him in I was crying and herd my daddy's voice I rlan to the door to let him in my brother stopped me hugged me seaid no no  don't do that  and then the cops came took my daddy away to jail   my uncle took my grandma's home from us and we had no place to stay  my brothers girlfriends mom took us in and we stayed there for a while  she was a nice lady    and dad was gone we were at peace  dad was in jail for a long time   but I remember mom taking me to go see him. He then beabeame a better person  for awhile anyways  it was actually nice like we were a family the way it was supposed to be...   Dd came home stayed at frnnies house gota job it was peaceful till ad got real sick and was in the hospital for 6months. And thought that he was gonna leave like grandma and grandpa did  . everyone was leaving after tatay went to the hospital. .. ad was sober for over10 years   it was great we had our own home. And I finall had friends  I was growing up I was about 13 years old    we went on vacation to see my sister after she married  and did fun things for once  then a couple years later I met the man I loved. High school sweet hearts   dad didn't like it I was  
16 becoming a little women my mom seaid  dad started drinking  mom was getting sick .  she went to the hospital one night and found out she ad diabetes.. And she was in bad shape scared me  mom wants gonna come home   we all ad to lalarn how to tke are of her if she couldn't  different foods  different life style   mom got better but not good enough she would go in and out of hospital and doctors  mom was a smoker. We lost our home moved again  mom started getting worse dad was drinking  off and on I had a relationship I sayed with my boyfriend and checked on my Mom all the time   she got c.o.p.d  and had diabetes   on oxgen at  home dad drinking   he couldn't take good care of her I moved back home to help her  it got better  until one night mom and I were at bunkle a dice game  came home she looked fine acted fine we went to bed she woke up and lwent to the living room to lay on the couch  my dad woke me up mom could not breathe  all full of sweat we didn't have a phone couldn't pay the bill dad wanted his beer and I think mom just gave up on trying us kids were growen  I was the only one there my sister my brother stopped coming over I dropped out of school to be there for my mom   so I rn out of the house knocking on doors at 5am  I needed to use a phone I did finally  called 911 came back to see Dad giving c.p.r. on mom she had passed away while I was finding help.   I screamed and cried  she was all I had my mommy was gone my best friend I felt alone.   And have been sence   I went into schock  I've lost  everyone    we carried mom dad didn't take it good he kinda went off in his own little world  he had a broken heart  no one could do anything for him. He wouldn't listen  he drank himself like he seaid he would  it hurt so bad and still does I cry all the time  I miss everyone  dad died and  I went on with my life everyone did we all went our separate ways and I done lost my sister my brother no one talks to me my heart is in pain ... I. Then moved on and married my high-school sweetheart  after being together 11years  we started out family. Baught a home   I got pregnant  I lost it after 5 months. Doctor told me after I couldn't have more kids I was sterle   I was hurt  I still tried  and 6 months later I was happy again I was pregnant with my daughter it was the best news ever  my sister came back in my life my brother did to I was happy once again ...  But then things started going bad again at 7 months pregnant  I woke up feeling really not my self I had a little headache  thought it was minor it's OK. I had diabetes with my daughter   thought that's what it was.  So I ate. Then laid down  I started feeling dizzy I couldn't lay down the room started spinning  I was getting sick something wasn't right  I got up I called my husband told him I wasn't feeling good I was dizzy  he needed to come home right away  I had two dogs at the time my baby girl lucky a rott she ls a sweetheart  that dog loved me I loved her  I went to the kitchen I felt my left side go numb in sections  I felt pins and needles something is happening to me and all I could think about was my baby in me was I going to dye  my body went lymp I spun around hit the floor my head felt like a can of soda exploded  in side I felt and heard swishing sounds in my head my headache got worse  I couldn't breathe I was on the floor I couldnt barle move I had the phone in my hand still my husband called  asked if I was OK I seaid no I can't get up I can't breathe  I was in the middle of the kitchen floor I wanted to grab something to try and lift me up I was scared I was gonna die...  I called lucky my rott  I grabber her she pulled me to the cuboard my dog helped me   I grabbed the handle I pulled and pulled  I couldn't move my left side was gone  by that time my husband rushed in the paramedics came in I was fading in and out I don't remember much then  as I woke up in the er  I couldnt see like I was blind but I could hear people  talking thay were trying to keep me awake   asking me questions  after questions I wanted to go to sleep I herd my sister my brother  people that loved me.  I still didn't know what happened I was in and out I could barley talk now  I remember writing with my right hand eyes closed  like I was blind   I tryed writing on papper laying down it was on my chest  I couldnt talk no more or see but I could hear   I heard things that  I hd to go to surgery and I had been on the bed for two hours waiting for the brain sergen to fly in  next thing I knew I woke up in the surgery room wen thay were working on me I herd them talking  drilling  I herd them say omg she's awake give her more anstetic ...  I was out again but I wasn't I could see my whole body being worked on I was floating I was watching from above. I seen my mom sitting on the bed rubbing my leg  saying it's gonna be OK. Your gonna be fine  I heard her   I seen her. Iafter surgery i woje up in a room still in and out early see but listening to the doctors say two people at a time  I didn't understand what that was  ment but I heard people come in saying that loved me  hearing crying touching me. Then I was out I was gone for a few weeks  I didn't know it  but wen I woke up in the ICU .. I had l2doctors staring at me  poking me saying omg she's awake   I found out I had a brain aneurysm. A stroke  and my baby was still with me  thay were at the time saying there goodbyes to me. And gonna take my baby and let me go  I wasn't supposed to wake up or be here or ever walk again   I had lost all my blood had to have11units put back in me I was alive I could see I could here but I couldn't walk or feel any of my left side  I had my baby still too     I was once happy again. But I wasn't out of the woods yet. I had to make sure no swelling on the brain I stayed in the hospital for therapy and started getting better  I then left after a week  went home had more therapy got better but feeling overwhelmed. Anger depression  anxiety all started to kick in. I didn't want people around me I wanted no help  it was time to have my baby I had Brittney  8pds1oz. My best day ever she was perfect.  But I was feeling really weird. Anger  I didn't want no one to hold my baby  before me I had  bad depression.   Crying .mood swings I just had a stroke a brain anurisum a c section    no one under stood why I was acting a little crazy I didn't either .. I didn't like it but I couldnt control it ..   I didn't hold my baby yet and as soon as I got her my mother in-law swooped her out of my arms  I think I started getting  really out of control after that I resented her for everything she done for me.   I didn't know why  I started getting mean looks and words that I was doing wrong.  I felt as the family were hating me  thay only wanted my baby  to take over  I was over whelmed with all I been threw the doctor seaid it was to much.  Went home and I felt like I was getting crushed  I felt all this anger  depression  I ws beginning to say mean things  I didn't know why i would just cry. And I thought no one is understanding why iam this way.     I kinda pushed everyone away I wanted no help and I think everyone was angry at me. I wanted time alone so I could heal  and get my mind straight   I felt like I started pushing my husband away  I was yelling I had mood swings  anxiety     I felt like I started feeling I wasn't in love with him  we then went on had two more kids two boys   as I had to have two more c sections  watched over very careful as I have over 10clips in my head and couldn't have pressure to the head.  My brother stopped talking to me my sister again  thay never stayed by my side  through out  the years always felt like the out cast. The ugly duckling  got on meds  because of my depression   but sill something wasn't right still mood swings depression  one day was good one day it was off the wall     I so tryed to be a good wife a good mom.  I was. Never done drugs never became an alcoholic becuze of my father.  No record of any kind and iam still that way. My marriage was going under    lots of yelling  screaming   kids were seeing this  it got bad at one point I asked my husband to help me with laundry. He kept saying he would  but always put it off  I was still half parlized couldn't do much so he was always gone working and on the fire department and we opened up an auction business. I God fed up asking for help and took it down stairs myself I fell the last  6 steps and couldn't get back up. I was still numb on the left side but I had to have clean clothes for the kids  I had my phone in my bra called him told him I fell down stairs the kids are upstairs. He seaid he was to busy to come help me my aughterwho asyrs old at the timewas screaming mommy get up trying to help me my two boys were crying I had to wait till my pain went away and I could crawl up the stairs.  40 minutes laying on the basement floor  another time I had asked him to take garbage out because it's hard for me to walk up and down stairs  it got to full so I put it out back the racoon's got in it he made me go out to clean it up   it got bad my daughter was telling the school how it was at home. I  was inbarrest  it felt like the man I loved was becoming a stranger to me. We couldn't fight without arguments we couldn't talk about our marriage I couldn't spend dollors on my self but he could by a Harley and Harley stuff and toys and motors and anything he wanted. But I took out 20 for food for my child for a pizza  I was told I couldnt get in the bank account again or bye things at the auction   I felt alone things changed I was stupid  a restart for wanting to talk it pushed me farther apart from him  I was talking to someone who listened to me and  I did something I thought I'd never do it was a bad mistake.   I was stunned I did that I hated myself it was like something came over me I cheeteted   I lost my morles I lost my way I was lost .. I was so depressed I felt like I lost everyone in my life.    Went threw a bad divorse I moved out    took the kids out of a bad marriage  he hit me a few times to threw our relationship had told me he wished I was dead in front of the kids  he sat on me held my jaw. Closed spit in my face before  everything he done to me pushed me away   it led up to what I did  I hated myself  but he had changed so much    I couldn't stand there and let myself be abused physically and emotionally  miniulated  he had always told me he was always right and I will be wrong it was his way or the high way   so I left  now everyone was gone mom dad sister brother husband    and I feel it was all my fault ...     He became so bitter  we can't speak  my mom always told me always forgive forget you will have a peaceful heart... I have forgave I've forgotten I've blocked things out   but I still love him  that's what hurts my heart is broken  iam depressed. I had lost my home and everything  I was homeless lived in a trailer in freezing below weather no heat no water with my two dogs  who I have  after I begged my sister to stay till I got on my feet. She didn't like my kids and didn't want me to stay in the house because she wanted her space so I froze. But me my dogs made it  ID cry to them I talk to them  I hug them. I love my dogs