Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

So many years have gone by and I've never truly known love. I've played house, pretended I was loving and being loved in return but it was all a facade. The love had no meaning it was simply just a word. I think real love has got close before but I wanted no parts, I was scared and unsure. Growing up as a child I was taught that love was supposed to be sex. I was so little I didnt know any better I would just lay there and cry. But each time it was over I would pray to God that those mean would die. My life was ruined at a small age yet they get to live theirs. They took everything from me and they stole my ability to love. It all seemed so unfair. The part of me that was left after being destroyed only knew how to live in a shell for so many years I've been untouchable when it comes to allowing anyone to be close. I didn't want them to see or feel that I've been stuck in the pits of hell. I've tried to share my life with others. I wanted so bad to learn love. Everyone around me was love yet i felt like an outcast because all I could feel was dead. I gave up on trying. Decided it wasn't my purpose. Maybe love just wasn't meant for me. I learned to accept that and began just living life but what happens when a random stranger crosses your path? Everything surrounding you is so unfamiliar yet you feel as if you've known this man in another life? Everything about him is familiar to me in every way from his touch to his smile..I feel like i've been here before. But wait, please stop! I am not the one you want. How did you manage to get past that locked door? I locked the door to these feelings a long time ago. So why are you here? Making me laugh and smile when I've frowned for so long. Who are you to stir up this love inside of me when I was sure it was dead and gone. Everything in me is changing, I am feeling what I have never known. Suddenly I want to be a better me. I no longer want to live in the hell I've called home. I want out. So I start climbing up and realize I can't do it alone. I began to feel back where I started but I look up and there you are. I try to force you to leave but you stay and you reach down your hand. With the help of you I climb out and I can't help but wonder why. Why does this stranger care? Who sent this guy? But I realize it doesn't matter because I was drowning and this random stranger changed my life. I now feel what I've never known. I now can show what I've never shown. I'm currently so confused as to how far he and I will go but I realize now it doesn't matter although I really want him to stay I have to be prepared that maybe he won't. Maybe he was just for a season and I have to accept that I will be okay. It still had a purpose. I learned to laugh, smile and most importantly what it feels like to not be afraid to put myself out there and really love. Although its not perfect. Its an all over the place, flawed type of love. But it's genuine and it's real and it is teaching me how to evolve. Who knows what the outcome will be or what will happen next. I guess this part of my story might have a part 2. But the one thing I do know is I'm a different person because of my love for you.