Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l_t1VOe0IhE

People would say I feel sad. But this feels much different. There is a time every morning, when the alarm clock sings, that I feel hopeless. I would rather stay in bed the whole day than go out and see people. I can't call it depression, because I've never been diagnosed.

But that's what it feels like.

It's not just a feeling I experience. There is a pressure on my chest. A weight that I fight every day to lift. Some days, it's so heavy, I can't manage to lift it. And all I can do is cry. I can't ask for help. I can only cry...
I hear your question. Why can't I ask for help? It's because I'm afraid of knowing I need help. Thoughts and realizations are very different. Yes, there are times where I feel good. I am energized and ready for whatever lies ahead. But I'm wrong. As the day drags on, my heart only sinks. It's exhausting just being awake. 

But I'm apparently not 'depressed' because I never got a proper diagnosis.

That's why I haven't told anyone. They would tell me to quit crying. They would say I'm just sad.

I don't feel sad.
I feel nothing.