Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WANNA DIE, COMMIT FUCKING SUICIDE, BECAUSE YOUR TIRED,  
TIRED OF HURTING, TIRED OF FEELING PAIN, TIRED OF HURTING THE ONES AROUND ME! THE ONES WHO LOVE ME, AND YOU KNOW YOUR NOT YOU.. YOUR LOSING YOUSELF! YOUR MIND! YOUR BEING!
YOU KNOW WHAT THATS LIKE HUH...

I CAN'T DO IT THOUGH, NOT EVEN FOR MYSELF BUT BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT WOULD DO TO YOU, THE ONES LISTENING TO THIS, THE ONES AROUND ME, THE ONES WHO LOVE ME, DAMN THATS SAD! I DONT EVEN FUCKING CARE.. I DONT EVEN FUCKING CARE TO LIVE.. TO LIVE FOR MYSELF, IVE BEEN BY MYSELF,
BEEN FIGHTING FOR MYSELF, FIGHTING MYSELF! I'M LOSING THIS FIGHT, DAMN THATS SAD! I DON'T EVEN WANNA BE HERE NO MORE..  BUT I STAY HERE, HERE FOR OTHERS AS ALWAYS!

FOR YOU..
STILL FIGHTING MY OWN DEMONS AND BATTLES, BUT I FIGHT FOR YOU! 
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU NOW HUH! WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU WHEN I WAS CRYING.. CRYING IN A BASEMENT SLEEPING PILLS IN ONE HAND DRUGS IN THE OTHER, CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE!  WANTING TO DIE.. I WAS SCARED!
SCARED TO ADMIT THESE THINGS, BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE STRONG!

STRONG FOR YOU.. TO HELP YOU!
BUT I'M WEAK, I'M SO FUCKING WEAK, INSIDE BUT I TUCK IT AWAY
WHAT'S IT MATTER ANYWAYS!
I PUT THAT SMILE ON MY FACE,
WALK THROUGH LIFE LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG.. HEY HOW ARE YOU?
OH, YOUR GOOD, THATS GREAT TO HEAR.. OH, HOW AM I! SAME AS YOU, JUST GOOD.. BUT I GET HOME SHUT THAT DOOR BEHIND ME.. AND HIT THE FLOOR, IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME! CLEAR AS THE DAY, I CAN STILL SEE THOSE CELLS.. I CAN STILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS.. AND THE BANGING ON THE DOORS.. I CAN STILL FEEL THE ANXIETY LIKE IM THERE RIGHT NOW! I KNOW I WAS A FUCKED UP KID, I LIVED A FUCKED UP LIFE, I DIDNT HAVE GUIIDANCE!  SO INSTEAD OF HELPING ME AND TRY TO SEE WHAT COULD HELP.. IT WAS FOSTER CARE.. THEY SAID BECAUSE MY MOM WORKED TO HARD, TO MUCH SHE COULDNT GIVE ME THE HELP I NEEDED! BUT HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO ME? THE JUSTICE SYSTEM! HA, FUCKING PLEASE! JUSTICE MY ASS.. REHAB, JAIL, JUVY, JAIL , JUVY PRISON , JAIL, WORK RELEASE THEN ADULT PRISON!! YEAH YOU SURE THE FUCK KNEW WHAT I NEED RIGHT.. NOW I CAN BARELY BREATH.. THE ANXIETY, THE PTSD  THE MENTAL DISEASE IS KILLIN ME! TAKE PILL IT WILL BE OK. YOU'LL BE OK, TALK TO A PSYCHIATRIST, THAT MOTHER FUCKER DONT KNOW SHIT! YOU WALK A DAY IN MY SHOES, 
THEN TELL ME HOW TO LIVE!
FEEL THE THINGS IVE FELT,
THEN YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO LIVE, WATCH EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE THEN MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO LIVE..
BUT I FIGHT, I FIGHT EVERY FUCKING DAY MAN.. BUT WHY..
WHY CANT I WIN THIS FIGHT,
WHY CANT I EVEN THROW A PUNCH,
MY ARM ARE HEAVY, MY MIND IS WEAK, MY EYES CAN'T EVEN SEE..
WAIT WHAT'S THAT.. OH, YEAH I CAN! YOUR GOD DAMN FUCKING RIGHT I CAN! BECAUSE IM A FUCKING MAN, I'M THE FUCKING MAN! I STILL HATE MYSELF SOMETIMES, BUT IM BEGINNING TO LOVE.. TO LOVE MYSELF! BECUASE IVE NEVER LOVED MYSELF.. 30 YEARS OLD.. DAMN THATS SAD! I NEVER LOVED MYSELF, STAY STRONG OUT THERE, IF YOU FEEL THIS STROY IM HERE FOR YOU! IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW, KNOW I GOT YOUR BACK! IMMA BE THERE, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE! WHAT IT'S LIKE TO DIE INSIDE.. KEEP THAT CHIN UP,
CHEST OUT, FEET FUCKING PLANTED.. THATS YOUR FIGHT STANCE! NOW WALK THROUGH LIFE LIKE THAT, NOT PHYSICALLY HURTING ANYONE BUT FIGURATIVELY FIGHTING..
FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE.. 
YOUR THE BOSS, YOUR THE FUCKING MAN.. AND IM RIGHT AT YOUR SIDE! SAME STANCE, FIGHTING WITH YOU..
AND FOR YOU! LET'S WIN!
DID YOU HEAR ME.. I SAID LET'S WIN!!
-TRAVIS TAYLOR