Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I've always wondered how can you make friends.It always seemed so natural for some people. You just have to walk up to someone and begin talking. But, I still don't understand it.

When I was little, I always liked playing alone in my own calm space. But,my mom wanted me to make friends. I kept trying and my shyness wasn't helping.  When I was in first grade,I've made my first friend. We were living really close to each other so,we would visit each other all the time. It was so simple. But,she moved to a different city. I visited her one, we watched Snow White and she let me keep it until we could see each other again. I still have the damn movie. We sent each other Christmas cards and it ended there. I have no idea how she is today. I hope she is doing fine .

At 3th grade,I got into a new school. With people that I didn't know, again. A classmate was kind enough to show me around. She presented me to her friends. They were nice but I didn't wanted to become a bothering burden for them. So,I took my time and analyse every kid in my class that would make the perfect friend. I spot a girl,who liked to be alone like me.At a recess ,I asked her to play with me. I had made a castle out of leaves. We laughed and we became best friends. But,my best friend had other friend.They were all very nice. They kept talking about some trends that I didn't understand. As the years passed,those trends became more in more important and I had missed the boat.We didn't leave each other on good terms,but that's a story for another time.

We separated ways when we entered High School.At that time,I still had one friend from 3th grade and she is still in my life today. But, I wasn't believing in friendships anymore. It had only brought drama and years in my life. So,I wondered in my school reading ,eating alone and praying for someone great in teamwork (Wich didn't happened often)One day, I talked with a boy and we became friends immediately. Like before, others joined and it was nice. But as the years passed, he started to change. 

He began to adopt an other slang,hang out with other crowds. It was fine at first,but It got worse,it started with our different views about some teachers and then about some visions of the world. His language became more aggressive and more protective of me. He also began his search of his first girlfriend. A girl that could respond to all his needs. Because,a girl has to always satisfy sexually his partner. That's how he saw it. I was his rebound. Each time that he was rejected or that no girl was interesting enough for him at the moment.,I was his rebound.

I would always get praise for my look and then he would be suddenly interested about my interests.Then ,to get a reaction out of me, he would try to hug me as much as he could, touching my hand. I like having space and I wasn't comfortable with him touching me,because of his intentions. He would then tell me that it's just friendly manners.

Now,I'm in college and I've met some amazing people. One of them has become one of my closest friends and I told her today about my high school friend. She told me to cut him out of my life.Even though,I had great memories with him,it wasn't working anymore. She said that I have to think about me for once and to do the right thing to me.

Her words really struck to me. I've always thought friends were forever or that you just drift away and meet back if Fate and Facebook want you too.Now I have to let him go,even though there's nothing that exists about breaking up with a friend. But I will do it soon.

I'm very tired so I will stop now 

Love,

Gabrielle