Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

It's 10:39 and I can't sleep. I have a lot in my mind and I need to just write it down somewhere.

But first,  my name is Gabrielle and I'm 17 years old. That's all you need to know for now.

 There are a lot of things that I could write about,but I know wich one is keeping me up and the one that is going to be very hard to talk about :my mom

My mom has always been a role model to me and still is. The most beautiful women that I know and the one that I know will always be by my side. That's what moms do and she is the best at that. I always saw her as a superhero that could crush everything and that nothing bad could hurt her. But,even the strongest of them can be broken. That's what I learned from the last two years.

One thing was always sure to me: My mom loved her job.Even after 20 years,it has always been the same place and the same people that she loved with all her soul. Two years ago, a new director (I will name her Bossy)came in position. For my mom,it wasn't a big deal: she wasn't working under her. But as the year passed,she saw some of her dearest colleagues pack their things. Some were on medical leave, others found another job or just quit. The new boss had successfully emptied half of her staff. Mom had heard a lot of things about her:all the nasty things that she did in her employees back. But my mom knew of her strength and was pretty sure that she could find a way to resist to her. The year after, Bossy was moved to my mother's section. She discovered pretty fast that my mom wasn't one to give up. Everyday,she tried the dirty talk:it didn't worked. Even more,my mom was sticking up to her other colleagues and cheering them up. Bossy wasn't happy about it...

So,she went farther by praising people with other ideas than my mom,by putting some people to the top ,for my mom to look up to . Because in her book,Mom wasn't working well. Even after 20 years,for Bossy ,the ones with no experience that can suck up to her are the best. Bossy had an army that was doing everything she was saying andI will spare you the details.

My mom tried to fight back with all the legal ways possible : she talked to her syndicate and did all the things she had to do. But still,they didn't have enough proof.

I knew that something was wrong with my mom. Her smile had faded and she didn't talked to me anymore about her work. She had less patience and her and my dad were fighting,wich wasn't common.But the worst was seeing her crying. When you see your mom becomes a human with weakness:it shocks. It's the worst feeling, because there's no textbook about comforting a parent.You just hold them in yours arms and you try to be strong and though you just want to bawl your eyes out.

In April,my mom went to see her doctor and told her everything. She was diagnosed with depression and was told to stay at home until the end of the year. My mom didn't believed that she had it but took the medical leave. She needed to get out of this toxic environment. She found another job that looked lovely with her best friend from work.It all seemed like everything was behind us

But, in October, the broken smile came back with the fights. She didn't have energy and her eyes showed suffering. But everything was fine in her new workplace. Two weeks ago,her and my Dad  came back to the doctor. It was depression again.It had came back and worsen. But this time my mom believed it and took the medical leave,took the medication that came with it.  They told us the same day , that my mom had some strong demons from the past year,that she needed time to get back on her feet.That she was lost and didn't know how to build up her defense again. She cried and told me that it wasn't our fault and that she was sorry.I was devastated. I didn't expect this. I really thought that the Bossy story was over. Since then,my mom is at home and she's getting better.Slowly but surely.I want her to feel better and I feel bad to not be there often, because of college that is far away from.home and all the traveling and the work that comes with it. 

I'm angry at Bossy for all the damages that she has done. But,I'll tell you about it another time.

Everytime that I talk about my mom, I become an emotional mess. Maybe it's because it's taking me back to last year . To all this rollercoaster I don't really know. But I think writing will help me. I'll try to write everyday or at least once a week. For my heart to sink less. For my head to lift up. For my mom .

Love

Gabrielle