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Sub Category : Miscellaneous

Trigger Warning.. be careful reading...its a true story 

Ok, so here it goes...in February 2005 I was sexually assaulted and rapped. I went to a teacher and told her what had happened the night before. The police were called and I was took to the hospital. I had to deal with doctors poking me and doing rape kits along with gathering evidence. I was so traumatized at the time of the event that most of my story stayed the same only a few details would change. My life had been flipped upside down and I was judged by my family and friends also I was bullied. I can still remember details from that night all the way up to the very first time it happened. The sad and very disturbing thing about all of this is my father had walked in the house and found my brother doing sexual thing to me. We had a family meeting and told right from wrong. It was like a slap to the face to me and a smack on the wrist for him. It didn't stop there he still continued to touch me and threaten me. He even went as far as holding a hand over my mouth. 
He would say let's play doctor or say let's go upstairs. I would always say you no but he would drag me upstairs and force me to do things to him while he did them to me. I was and still am terrified of him. 
Our father was in the military in the time so he wasn't home very much.  We were either with our dad's girlfriend or a babysitter. I thank my dad for his service with the military but when you have family aren't you suppose to protect and provide for them to. I can't tell you how many times that this happened in the house. I can tell you that I am now 25 and it has made it difficult in many ways to deal with trusting people. 
I have nightmares and flashbacks and serve anxiety due to this. 
Bc I was so young and he was 17 it was tried as a juvenile case. It is sealed and even if can't get the record. I'm going to counseling and psychiatrist to help me move on but I'm tired of living in fear. What I do know is he does not have to register as a sex offender and he went to jail for about 2 years. Shortly after I filed charges on him we went to court. I can't remember much on that I just know he was found guilty. My father then was deployed to Iraq. So he left me to deal with it alone. I was always daddy's little girl until February. I am constantly looking around and afraid. I have felt like I've had a big neon sign on my head saying rape and sexual assault me I won't tell. After 2005 I have had a least 4 other men rape and Assult me. I have done everything I can think of to make the judge have him register as a sex offender but nothing works. It's so hard to go to family gatherings or to my parents house because of the way I was treated then. 
My doctors say I have PTSD not related to military service. 
Still to this day in 2017 my father thinks I lied and he won't really speak to me. 
When I called Kentucky State police about him they said all I can do is filed a EPO on him. Which is fucked up. 
Some days I want to end my life some days I'm ok. Some days I'm not.  
As a victim I'm still being punished. And Joseph is free and can do as he pleases. He walks around like nothing ever happened. He can go anywhere. (Parks, schools, day cares, anywhere)
I'm done I'm no longer keeping quite. Yes I am a victim but now I'm am speaking up to be heard!!

Traumatized, dealing, remembering!!

I am the victim...I was 12 he was 17.