💊Memories (IRL, TRIGGER WARNING) Read Count : 119

Category : Adult

Sub Category : Horror
The musty smell of damp wood drifts on the oakland sea breeze..it calms me as i stand in the alley behind the house and try to shoot myself up with crystal meth i got from a Russian skinhead. The sun begins to hit my skin, but instead of a calming warmth it sends a shiver up my spine. It was one of my last days in san fransisco..the neighbor boy i would consider my only friend out there caught me right in the act. 
All i could do was look him in his innocent blue eyes, so void of pain and suffering, and beg "PLEASE dont look at me differently.." but i knew it was too little too late and i had once again burned a bridge mid construction. 
He had saved my life the night before..he refused to leave me at the dark seedy pimp-and-bitch hotel i was desperate enough to follow this russian devil into. He seemed to come minutes before things began to fall apart. The skinhead claimed the product made him sweat an removed most of his clothes. Now im not stupid, i had a crash course in sex ed thanks to my own grandfather at 6, im a psychic when it comes to male intentions..i tried to be friendly and politely excuse myself but he put his hand on my shoulder.. and my heart sunk.  i just knew i had once again put myself in a position where i was going to have to fight or die trying, and right before i began to fight him off, blue eyes knocks. I still dont know how he found the hotel, or the room..i apologized profusely and he looked at me pleadingly as the russian tried to pull me back in, he narrowed his eyebrows an refused to move his foot from th door, pulled out his phone, and threatened snitch. 
The ride home was the worst. But i had never been so grateful for what was probably one of the most awkward rides of my life. 
"Why do you do these things..? Why do you not care what happens to you??" He finally asked..and after a long silence i eventually said.."i think im just desperate for an escape.." and the conversation needed not go further. 
 

 When i say desperate, im not thirsty. Im hungry. I want that life ive fought tooth and nail for since day one..ive been at the bottom of hell and on the throne at the top of this horrific world..

..and both were just as unfulfilling and lonely.

                               🕉

Comments

  • Karnivore Volpe

    Karnivore Volpe

    Thank you. (:

    Nov 13, 2017

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