Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

While being introspective one day last week, I decided to do a formal interview with one of my ex girlfriends, simply to delve into the mechanics of our failed relationship. The following is the transcript of that interview.

Me:   Linda, how do you feel we related to each other there at the end? Were we civil, or was there alot of anger involved?
Linda:   Who are you? How did you get in here? You shouldn't have made it past security!
Me:   Did you ever feel like there was ever a chance of us seeing each other's perspective on what was going wrong between us?
Linda:   Listen 'buddy', I have no idea who you are or what you're doing here, but if you don't get out of my office, right now, I will call security!
Me:   Do you ever think fondly of our good times together, or are they washed away with the memories of the few negatives in our relationship? 
Linda:   My god, would you please put your shirt back on??? I really have no interest in your tattoo! Is that a duck??? Where did you have a duck?? Get that damn thing off my desk!!!
Me:   Did it take you a while to move on past me, or did you linger and blame yourself for me leaving?
Linda:   You get down off  my desk this instant! Is that lemon pudding? Are you kidding me right now??? Oh my god!! No, don't you dare pour  it over the computer!!! My files!!!! "Hello? Security? There's some nut in my office and he's menacing me with pudding! How should I know? You can't miss him, he's about 300 pounds and not wearing a shirt-"
Me:   Have you had a good life without me, Linda?
Linda:   "Linda"? Who the hell is Linda??? My name's Frank....
 Me:   Isn't this 42A? 
Not Linda:   42 B! 42A is down the hall!
Me:  uh
Me:   Ha haha. My bad! I thought to myself "man! Linda has really let herself go since she left me.". Funny, right? I mean Linda had way more hair. And her mustache wasn't as thick..
Not Linda:   Get. Out. Now! And take that duck with you!

Maybe it's better not to obsess about the past. Perhaps everything happens for a reason. Maybe we aren't meant to know the how's and why's of all questions, maybe we are supposed to just love people how We want to be loved. 
Maybe Linda would have prefered flowers instead of a duck. I mean, I wouldn't know why, but hey, it's possible. 


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