Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

   “-and in conclusion, since the elk are getting a bit thin up there on the North ridge, I propose we try our luck over to the East. Anybody have anything to add?”
   “Yeah, they're thinning out because a stray mountain lion has been seen up there, I think.”
   “The chair acknowledges Brother Sakya, thank you. Any other business? No, ok- grievances? Brother Marty? Something? Oh, C’mon Marty, I saw you rolling your eyes.  What is it?”
   “No, Alpha. I'm good.”
   “The chair acknowledges Brother Martin, he has something to add. Go ahead Marty. We're listening. “
   “God, here we go again…”
   “Sister Rhasya, you haven't been acknowledged,  Brother Martin has the floor.”
   “Sorry Alpha, but we've heard this before.”
   “Brother Martin, if you please-”
   “Yeah, alright. *ahem* I'm sick of being a wolf!”
   “ - “
   “I mean, it sucks sometimes, right? C’mon guys, admit it!”
   “Brother Martin. What exactly is the problem?”
   “Well, just stuff in general.  I mean, ok, I’ve… (this is embarrassing ) alright, I've got fleas!”
   “Fleas? That's your gripe?”
   “Well, no, but I'm having trouble itching. I mean, I can't quite reach all my spots. And I have a tick on my butt. If I had thumbs, I could get that sucker off, but no!  And I'm lonely…”
   “Lonely-”
   “Yeah! I had a girlfriend, but she was a coyote and you guys never gave her a chance! I think Sheila and I could have been really good together, but you guys chased her off!”
   (*whispered* “I think she was that one we ate…”)
   “-I mean, I wanted pups of my own, but you're the only one who gets pups, Alpha! It's just not fair!”
   “ - “
   “And I hate hunting with you guys! You all know the high elevation makes it hard for me to run! By the time I ever catch up, I get a pre-chewed rib, if I'm lucky. I'm forced to catch my own rabbits, and I hate rabbit. They're skinny and the fur gets stuck in my throat!”
   “We are who we are, Brother Martin. What exactly would you prefer?”
   “You guys are good, but I'd prefer to be a human.”
   “ - “
   “Did he say ‘human’? Marty, did you say ‘human’??”
   “No, he didn't… Marty, you just didn't …!”
   “Yeah! Human! Alright, there! I said it! Humans are cool!”
   “Cool?!? They shoot at us! They tag us with these stupid collars! I can't believe you-”
   “Order! None of you have been acknowledged! Brother Martin still holds the floor!”
   “Thank you Alpha. Listen, you guys, you know I'm still with you, but think about it. Imagine ‘cooking’ your meat-”
   “-ugh! Gross!”
   “-and think,of all the new foods you could try. I've always wanted to taste an orange…”
   (*whispered* “Did he say ‘orange’? What's an ‘orange’?”)
   “-and think of art and culture… the ballet and Symphony-”
   (*whispered* “I'm lost… what's he even talking about?”)
   “-and I've always wanted to experience books and movies and, oh yes, travel, meeting new people's and seeing new lands…”
   “Oh Marty!!! You can go zoo yourself…!”
   “ - “
   (*sigh*) “I know you guys think I'm nuts, but I'm just thinking out loud ok? I know I'm a wolf, I'll always be a wolf, but can't a guy dream of more? Can't a guy strive to achieve greater meaning in this life?”
   “*ahem* Brother Martin, we hear you.”
   “-and think you're nuts…”
   “Brother Sakya! That's enough. Brother Martin has confessed his grievances, and as Family, like it or not, we hear him and must address his complaints.- On future hunts, we Will put aside fresh kill for Brother Martin.”
   “Oh. Thank you. Just a full rib is cool. I don't need much.”
   “In the future, if any of the pack has any love interests… well, they can pursue that as they see fit. But no mating! Sorry, that's just tradition…”
   “Alright. Agreed.”
   “Issues of ticks and fleas… well, there's not much we can do about those pests. We all have our spots to itch, am I right?”
    (*whispered* “Look at this ear - is it a wreck or what?”)
   “As Alpha, I want what's best for all of us. As we all know, humans are Not to be trusted. They've made quite the mess of themselves and it's only because of Us that things are returning to normal, the way it was originally intended. The elks are becoming more balanced and that in turn is affecting the rest of the forest. We have very important work that's required, and as stewards of the land, I intend we do the best we can, as we are. Can we get behind that, Brother Martin?”
   “I'll get behind it, Alpha, but no mating!”
   “Marty! You're a goofball!”
   (*whispered* “-he was always the funniest of us!.”)
   (*whispered* “-yeah, he's got weird ideas, but he's ok!”)
   “I think that just about does it. Alright, the chair acknowledges the close, unless anything else?No? Ok. Session is officially closed. Alright! Who's up for some elk?”
   “Dude! I'm so hungry, I could eat a moose!”
   “You? Nah- I'm so hungry, I could eat one of Marty’s cooked oranges!”
   “Rhasya, you'd love ‘em. And they're easy to catch!”
   “Then even you, slow as you are, could gorge on them. But save a pre-chewed rib for me!”
   *laugh* “Go zoo yourself!”



Like it? Hate it? Barely tolerate it?
Let me know in comments.
I value your opinions. 

J