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My 19th Nervous Breakdown

This year has taught me that its cold.... Much more than the cold of winter.  These shoulders of so called people have me reevaluating many things I once, for lack of a better word , considered truths.

So many times a simple mistake of everyday yous' and mes' is so simple we dont even realize we have overlooked anything.
I am talking about a very specific form of truth, in this.  The kind of truth that i deal with very often.  Made up of so many different free wills, the world can sometimes start to blurry the lines between right and wrong.  
I am not a firestarter.... Definately not an over educated success!  I fit in the category that got totally screwed over by a set of rules and regulations that permitted the weak to be passed up and left behind.  My final level of enlightening has made me aware that in order to see truth i also have to see double standards, lies, and all the different shades as all in the same.  
 How do i know to tell the difference between a truth with conditions and another kind that 
Is so heavy with words it can be taken differently per scenerio
 Yes its a safe place.  To save public embarrassment i will not say names.  But here several employees are sex offenders and murders. Thats not the issue, please understand.  Yes people make mistakes, but they have to go somewhere after being cleared for return to society.  Its a rough part of this world.  
Its also a truth to say there is No toleration of any sexual assaults or exploitation tolerated here in .  However so many times cases of just this sexual deviancy are reported.  But go no where. They are looked on as non existent.  Forgotten!  And poof all that remains is the broken psyches of the victims too defeated to fight against a truth that is so very different.
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Now that Truth and all examples of this version have been brought to light.  Lets go to a much darker side.  This is a very personal story that is true and on going.  
Due to my financial problems i have been forced to a different style of life.  My husband and i decided to move from a very unproductive, rural town.  
Because we believe in Lexington there will be much opportunity to grow as a family, my husband and I moved permanently.  But there is always an issue with our housing...  Unfortunately, we are just normal enough to not meet state guidelines for a voucher service.  And because i make too muxh per bi-weekly pay cycle: motels, shelters, and rentals are the available options.
Experiencing many other truths which made both of us excited and hopeful.  Realizing we are so very close to a new life.  One  that we have done so much and sacrificed the old one to see live.  
As if the scenerios wete written by a designer... In my life another truth of the aflre mentioned type.  Meet a world where the same types are in a position of power.  
The truth is as bad is good.  So equality and justice are in accord.  Still, not making an impact directly to me.  So why should I care?
Until mid September when my world was made dim by the actions of another.
Staying in a motel while i was off work because of a car wreck, my husband and I met a villain.
Of course, i believe in truths.  So when i say i am the truth -naturally i think you are too.  You told me you were, right?
Unfortunate the truth was not there.  I was sexually assaulted - or raped by this guy, while in my make shift home.  I think twice, while my partner of 10 years stepped away briefly through the day.
So, now what is this going to cause me when i shed light on these very dark truths of my world.  What happens when i have to do what i was taught.  Stand up for myself, my love, women, and justice?  To put on display a very unclear crime against my life on display for strangers.  To be judged and questioned are my morals and actions.  Be called a liar and so much worse! 
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As if its the next scene in the morbid screen play i like to cheerfully compare this morbid reality:
Presently, another situation is going on.  I swear to god!  Its another assault as im sitting typing the other scenerios... 
Shes a young 24.  Naive but knows it all.  So when i was explaining that its dangerous up here for a woman.  But it falls on deaf ears does it still make a sound?
Heres what happens in my world.  Without my realizing whats going on, i staet walking faster.  As fast as one would run.  Things become so clear to me.  Like the hand of Enlightening hisself and showed me true clarity.  And at the speed of light things start clicking together and i have figured everything out.  Hip to the scene.  Everyone is suspect charged; and declared guilty on spot.  Not to mention my heart beat is close to 120 beats per minute.  
Everyone in passing says "calm down" or "just relax"; which only make it intensify.  This is my end result of Episode 1:2017 nervous breakdown.  
I will be fine as soon as the first dose of benzodiazepine is taken... 
Let me tell you the real victim.  My loving husband who takes the hit.  This man deserves a fucking purple heart!  Not only does he have to deal and handle the emotions.  Now he is my fulltime body guard.  To put it in a "nutshell": he is the bond that holds my broken psyche together.