Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

If you can count on one hand how many true friends you have then you have been blessed. That's what my mama told me one time. 

If you lay with dogs your going to catch fleas. That's what my papa told me one time. 

When life happens and time passes to span years and months and you run into her and start squawking and screaming and laughing just like you did the last time you seen her and that was about 3 years ago. That's a ride-or-die-bitch I've been told. 

I just did a count and I got a full hand. Yep 5. That's a pretty good ratio considering the fastest polls and census are showing the larger percentage of folks are looking for me and wanting me to fail. 

These 5 friends of mine are something else I tell you. They are so different from one another that the only common denominator is me. That suits me just fine. 

One is a royal major pain in the as s that insults me to the point of therapy at times. This bitch is carrying a 25 year tenure. I love to hate her. She has no couth and has landed me in more than one bar fight. But this ass is the only one I would ever share an ice cream cone with. 

One is quiet and laid back and so smart the bitch made me sick because she made straight A's and passed geometry despite the fact that both of us smoked weed every morning. Had the same geometry teacher at the same time every damn day. Me and this bitch have been blazing since 1985.

One is opinionated and bossy and always has (un)solicitated advice as to what I "need" to do. Most the time she is right and has been since 1982.

My fabulous Fifi is fabulous and funny and felt my pain and childhood woes since 1983. Our father's worked together. We lived in the same neighborhood on the same street twice growing up. When she tells you she's gonna do something....get the fuck out of her way. 

And the best for last is my soul sister since 2008. I fell in love with her phone sexy voice and was cussing and plotting global domination and ruins with my OBGYN because I was 8 months pregnant and couldn't get a c-section until after the Memorial Day long weekend. Her wisdom and loyalty has never faltered once. 

So there they are my 5 finger friends. Fabulous, funny, frightening, and forever friends....ride or die.