Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I waited 18 years to see my son again, I gave him a better life than I could and I stand by that choice. But he has come to live with me because his adoptive parents won't accept that he's gay. I opened my home, and have given all I can. Every day it's something new, I'm too fat, i'm not waiting on him hand and foot enough. I've not spent enough time with him. I'm not sacrificing enough to appease him. I apparently don't cook the way he wants. and this keeps going. These are things his father (who abused me) did, and demanded. I'm stuck feeling as if I'm not good enough, as if  I'm just shit and that I'm expected to change. I feel as if  I am back in that abusive relationship which has triggered My PTSD again. At what point is enough, I'd rather die than hurt my children, but I can't take much more..... 

Just venting at this point because I can't understand this anymore..