Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Drama

My life is a movie and the structure is hard to build it a struggle everyday trying to live right and do the right thing when you done been through so much hurt  let me take you back to when i was a little girl                     :My name is kay Louis born in a small city outside of kansas city i grow up with my youngest brother my mom had 4 kids one girl me and 3 boys my mom was married before she conceived me to a abusive man which were my oldest brothers dad we live in many different places one end of one city to another one we travel alot my mom was the type of woman that stayed on a go she can never be still i guess that why she never settle down when my mom did had me she made sure i was dressed to inpress she use to buy me the most beautiful dresses ever pink was my fav color we grow up in a projects at the time this was a danger place to live u hear gun shots and see dead bodys crackheads and all types of stuff walking in the hood but my oldest brothers were in a gang so no one bother me my mom and dad begin a relationship and things were getting better i didnt know at the time that my parents were drug dealers until our house got kicked in and my dad and mom get slam by the police now we had this dog we call him midnight he was very black with red eyes a mean old dog that hated policeman so midnight barking and barking at the police and the police shot our dog 😢 my dad goes to jail the police turn his gun on me and point it to my head  that was the first time i ever had a gun pull on me and it wasnt the last weeks later my mom get kick out our apartment and off to a new home a new start we go .. One month after moving into our new home i meet this girl name tee she older then me so im playing out side and she ask if i can come over her home my mom let me and let me just say my mom was lucky she didnt have to do any prison time but i was playing with tee and we end up going to her house we playing in her room and she pull my pants down and start licking my pussy that was the first time i ever got rapped she told me she beat me up everyday if i told anyone and i didnt not til this story u are reading she made me go down on her she made me have sex with her every change she got i was scared and so due to we moved alot we moved again and boy i was happy the nightmare was over i was always going to church so i knew that was wrong to do i knew if i told she beat me up everyday this was a big tall girl she was 13 tall but was a child molester a monster i was glad we moved and soon after i was on a new start my mom wasnt a saint she had different men coming in and out her home often they never tryed to touch me but it was bad our lights gas water had all got cut off one day and we was ass out my mom use to tell us it was ok but it wasn't we were poor we use to go to school looking a hot mess in grade school it was all bad one day my dad cousin had got out of prison and came and seen us he was a cool cousin until he touch me and start kissing on me and he became a child molester a monster as well my mom never knew cause i was just to afraid to open up my mouth i never looked at him the same so months went by and my mom got weary and start falling off and she no longer could care for us she wrote a letter to my dad which got out of prison and was living with his new girlfriend not far from where we were but my mom stated in that letter that she can no longer care for me and my lil brother by that time my two oldest brothers had moved out she sent us walking blocks to get to his house and gave up on us she said it was hard so we stayed with my dad and his new girlfriend and her 3 kids back to the same projects we went what a tragedy .....       Life it self begin to look better feel better but the feeling without my mom was heartbreaking i felt lonely and unlove and felt like why this had to happen to me i use to look out the window hoping she come back and cry myself to sleep to wake up and see that it wasnt a dream it was reality my mom was gone she sent me on my way with a letter and a kiss good bye my faith with God grow stronger then i start going to church praying for her to come back and get me but she never showed up soon after we got settle in our new home things was going okay i had a new step mom and my dad i thought was great but soon after he turn out to be just like everyone else that fail me he never touch me in a sexual way but the physical and mental abuse was a problem he will beat me for the things i didnt do and because i look like my mom he will beat me i had it hard my life was a movie my mom sent me to a lunatic and i wasn't safe i was having a ruff childhood and it was alot of sorrow unhappiness days my brother start to act out he was only 12 catching a gun charge we were young catching cases i was in the 5th grade when i caught my first case the act of a lost child i was hurt i was not myself i knew i had to get away but how i had no money no resources i was young no help what a sad way to grow up thinking u want survive cause the life style you live at an early age i was beat i was hurt living with my so call dad wasn't easy i use to try and go spend time at others house so i can get away from all the hurt the pain my aunte had an extra room and she use to love for me to come over to visit this one time i went i spent the night my own cousin her son tryed to rapped me i ran he chase me he fought me cause i wouldn't have sex with him the sad part is he dead now he was a bad kid til this day i keep my daughter close to me i wouldnt want her growing up feeling hurt and men dont come in and my house i keep my daughter close i will go to jail for the rest of my life if something was to happen to her like what happen to me my parents was careless they never pay attention my mom was gone my mind was gone my heart was cold .....         Years later we move and soon afterwards a bigger problem came my step mom start smoking crack and soon after she start letting me drive and start taking me to dope houses and meeting her new friends and as always here come a nasty man trying seduce me you would think that my life will be getting better after all i done already went through but no it getting worst and wrost so i start lavking on eating throwing my food up cause i was making my self sick cause i was sick of the struggle the pain the hurt my heart was cold and i had no feelings and i still struggle from the hurt today My mom finally came back into my life one Christmas she showed up with a bag of junk food it was better then nothing i was always told she didnt love me she wasn't never coming back that she was gone forever at one point of time i was told she was dead why tell a child that my life my struggle so my mom was back around she had been in a whole other state she was trying to get her life in order but no matter what she was about i still love her she my mom sometimes parents hurt their kids but the bible say honor thy mother and father and since i keep myself in church i always keep that in mind even if i was hurt by my parents my mom did alot to keep her kids happy when she was around one day she did something that could of put her in jail and i could of went to the state a foster home she use to take other people checks and cash them one day that plan didnt work she was arrested at the check cashing place the sad part i was with her see my life is like a movie my mom went to jail and i went on with my big brother who just happen to be there so time goes on and life so as it is the hurt still there and my mom get me back some how from my dad which wasn't great cause i shouldn't been with either one but my mom best friend had kids and one of the boys use to try and get me again agin abuse abuse why why i get emotional when i think about all of this but he tryed but he didnt get away i told this time i had courage to tell but judgest was never serve so my mama again had me living from house to house with her and all these extra people and one night i goes and lay down and my mom friend daughter comes in and rapped me she was a bullied and older but she made me have sex with her she went down on me so i ask myself when it was going to stop i tried to kill myself after that enough was enough was my life made to be hurt was my life worth living i ask myself that before i put the gun to my head i had seen my big brother lay his gun down so when he went to sleep i had grab it and seen away from life i thought and was thinking as i sit there looking at the gun thinking should i do this should i just give up on life but i wasn't going to let go that easy God had a different plan and that why im here right now but my mind my body my heart still hurts ...........
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Time went on again and life went on and again bigger problems came along my mom moved on and back to my dad i went by that time my step mom was deep on crack she didnt care how she got it and where i was in my teen years so it was time to work so i land me a job at a daycare my first job when you young and getting money it a happy feeling to go buy your own things but that happiness went away cause my dad he took my money he will take all my cash that i work hard for i had a little to spend and that cause i was hiding it so by that time we had move into a new home we had started to be a happy family we start going places as a family doing great things now i use to love to sing i was a good singer so i will go to my neighbors houes amd sing for them sing for people and have fun one friday we was watching friday the movie it just had came out and we were chilling as a family enjoying our movie night i had went to bed early still depressed cause my mom wasnt around i call it a night the next day was the day we supposed had got our food stamps back then it was paper stamps so it was easy for someone to take them and get away so my linda my step mom going off on my dad jerry asking him what happen why they havent came yet coming to find out our neighbors had stolen them they had sign for them earlier that day cause we may had been gone so time goes by they and the neighbors finally comes home we see them with all these bags so linda and jerry go and front them they arguing and the next thing i know a fight breaks out here comes the neighbors boyfriend out of nowhere and hit my dad with a wheel from a grocery store chart in the face he pass out and we all fighting im 14 my lil brother13 we fighting these grown people we got pots and pans and sticks and all im beating ass so one of the other neighbors call the police and they came no one goes to jail but Jerry had to be rush to the hospital he had broken his jaw he had to be admitted for surgery so we end up back home off to sleep we all go now it was me and my lil brother and the three step kids so the next morning we wake up to a loud noises and we look out the window it the neighbors they got people with them they yelling come out side come outside so the police end up coming to clear it up we then went on with our day now we chilling and not worry about what done happen so the next morning comes and we hear a sound that sounds like a window is getting bust out we run up stairs and it our window it was 8 people outside trying to get inside to harm us they shooting at our house we shooting back they stop for a while so we thinking it clear so linda sends my lil brother out with a gun to call for help back then we had beepers and the payphone was very popular so she send my lil brother out for help he only 13 year old we fighting for our lives she give him a gun and he run out the door busting at whoever comes his way they chasing him but scared cause he has a gun so im screaming yelling at linda no no no stop him dont let him go out why did u let jim go out she high she look like she on something she got a gun in her hand she looking at me and im holding my hands up screaming no my brother the gun go off in the house she shot me my hand bloody she had shot me in the hand which could of hit my head but the way God set it he save me im yelling u shot me linda u shot me soon after the police show up my big brother show up my lil brother is okay but me i wasn't i had got shot and i dont know if it was an accident are if it was on purpose but i was sure going to find out so they rush me to the hospital im screaming it only hurt cause i seen my finger hanging off i had lose my finger i had lose my mind i couldnt believe she shot me i was in shock i was mad i my finger was gone and the one next to it was damage my heart was back to a cold place after getting all work on and patched up i go to my big brother house to sit there i tells him that linda was the one that shot me he said she said that the boy next door did it if it was an accident why lie about it so later detectives wanted to talk to me i was lose for words so i couldnt talk i didnt feel like speaking to no one my dad had got release from the hospital a week later after i was shot the police still had questions i told my family that linda was the one that shot me my dad and linda told me if i tell the police she did it that they will beat me i felt like i was going to be in danger they told me to lie and say another man did it they made me lie they made me put a innocent man in prison for years i went to court and testify that this man shot me and he was charge with attempt to murder they never own up to what was done so i knew it was on purpose if it was an accident why make me lie why threaten me why me my head still not right from this this is my struggle my pain the hurt the struggle do be real no matter what you struggle from are doing after all that i end up going to live with my big brother it was better that way but his girlfriend was a bigger bitch she was petty and my big brother was stupid for her so that soon didn't work out so back to my dad i went going to school was hard for me i use to get tease about my finger it was hard to handle so i will lack in my school work nobody knew what i was going through i was back straving myself putting my fingers down my throat to make myself throw up i never cut myself but i was wishing i had of pull the trigger from back when i put that gun to my head years went by and i was 16 now and working at a boys and girls club i love kids i said i was going to have a chain of daycares when i grow up that was at that time so im now 16 working trying to finish school and i meet this hot guy he was sexy fine he but he was older way older that was the first time i lost my virginity he was 35 years old some will say that was rapped but i want it the first time i had sex with him it hurt like hell i was in pain but it felt so good i was young and my dad was working alot and linda she was cool with it all as long as i was supplying her drug habbit i start hustling then i needed that extra money so i start getting money that way i was coming up short sometimes cause she was smoking up my shit my dad had got a new car and we move into a big house at the time before that time i knew how to drive cause crazy linda will let me drive by time i was 12 i knew how to drive plus we was stealing cars back then driving tuts we were a hand full but i talk about that in another story so we got a new car an old fashion looking car my grandpa had gave it to my dad and told him to fix the breaks cause they are going out in the car so im 16 im thinking im cool and all i got to buy liquor from the store cause my cousin had own a liquor store and he let me slide so me and the older guy was not seeing each other anymore of course my dad found out about him and pull a gun out on him my big brother had found out to and went crazy so i stop seeing him so by that time i had met this other guy my step mom was dating another man and his cousin was a cute one so we begin to talk and soon other we were sneaking seeing each other one night i had went to the liquor store to get something to drink some eand j cream kind cast and cream and i was going to go see my new boo so my step mom of course wanted to get high as me for something that was a way for her to not tell on me but she said i can drive the car and i had to take my 2 little step sisters with me so we gets in the car i had no idea that jerry had told her not to drive are let me drive cause that breaks was bad on the car now im driving to go see my new boo and the breaks are working just fine so i pull up to where he be he not there we head back to the house now the liquor havent been open cause i wanted to drink it with him so we headed back to the house and i came to a stop sign and the car wouldnt stop im trying to stop the car and can't stop it i ran over the crave and put the car in neutral and it still wouldn't stop i riding around done call linda told her she high not talking right she telling me what to do it had been a hour a two we just going in circles i finally goes down this hill the car start going faster and faster we going 75 speeding like a roller coaster the street was one of them strerts that have traffic going up and down but this night God was with me again cause no traffic was out we finally get down the hill and no cars was around so luck me aleast i thought we end up running into a mechanic shop and the car was loud when it crash people run out side to see what was going on the car was a long car which was short by time i crash cause i had wreck the car and on most killed us i jump out the car and people saying are u okay please sit down my whole chain was off my face my face was bloody my legs was jacked up it was only God that we survive the engine was in my lap i got out the car some how and was able to stand for just that little while im screaming im crying im asking people to say they were driving how can i be doing all this the grace of God is how my 2 step sisters was injured one had broken her pelvis bone and the other one just broken a finger a finger me my chain was gone i have to learn how to walk again cause i had glass and metal in my legs i had to have plastic surgery on my chain my legs was weak they said i had died and came back i had messed up i had almost killed us but linda knew she wasn't supposed to let me drive but because she wanted to get high she didnt care about the consequences and what might could of happen had happen ......Learning how to walk again wasn't easy i was walking like a zombie i was in a wheel chiar for long period of time soon after that the state got involved i remember once i tried telling about my beating and the cop didnt believe me he was a ass hole it was just before i got shot in my hand and he said kids need their ass kick sometimes i still remember his face and what he had said i begged him not to send me home so i was put in foster home for a while jerry had to go to court for to get me back he and linda had made up some false papers that was sign by linda pretending like my mom had sign them saying i was in their custody and i soon learned what that was all about anyways i ws living in a foster home and jerry had came to visit he had told me because of me saying he beat on me my lil brother was subject to get taken away i didnt want him to end up in a place like where i was so i told the judge i lyed and he let me go back to jerry so i had a change to get away but i wanted my brother safe so lied and i was sent back home the state had got involved in jerry and linda life i was lucky to not be around at the time i had went to stay back with my big brother for the summer the state had took linda kids she had had a baby boy by jerry by then and a baby girl by some other guy as well they were gone if i was there they would of took me to but lucky me i wa safe and my little brother he had move out with jerry by that time yes jerry and linda had spit cause linda was on the dope heavy so her kids end up in the state and jerry and my brother end up living with my aunte jerry didnt want me to stay with him anymore so he didnt tell me where they were living i had to find out on my own and soon after i was there to my brother and his babymama was fighting all the time so they end up breaking up and i had no choice but to go back to jerry now this auntie was the best as kids we use to go to her house and she will let us have the most funniest time of our lives she use to take us out of town and we will have so much fun now when i arrive she was happy to see me things start to change when jerry will call hisself trying to hit me she will be the ine to step up for me i never knew why jerry hated me so much why he did me like he did and you will soon find out why but she was my protector she save me from alot of ass kicking and beating i remember ine time jerry hit me with a 2by 4 board he use to spank me up side my head and say bitch you look just like your mama he hated her for some reason he use to beat me i had marks on my body i remember my rebellious cousin use to have me sneaking off with her and one day we snuck off with some boys when we got back jerry was waiting on us and beat the hell out of us he was fighting us like we fighting in the streets i guess why im strong today why i dont take any shit from nobody cause my life is a movie and im the star so we living with auntie bam im in high school at the time so it this guy begin liking me since 6 grade but i didn't care for him at the time so we end up getting together he was driving to school so you know that was a plus he in high school and driving to school so we hook up we end up having sex and my first time with him i became pregnant i was 17 teen 11 grade almast out of school and about to be a mom soon after jerry and i and my lil brother start living house to house so i moved out and moved with my boyfriend and he was happy to have me i got pregnant on purpose cause he was a way out a way to get away from jerry and his madness soon after i move in with my boyfriend i get my own place and guess who show up jerry and soon after linda linda stayed with me a week are so and i put her out she was stealing from me jerry stayed but he tryed tp run my house so i put him out i was 18 when i had my first son and he was the most important thing in my life i did so much to keep him happy my mom had reappeared in my life some how and i felt great my mom start helping me watching my son while i went to school and work and things got better u see God knew i was a survivor and a solider so he prepared me my mom end up sitting down to tell me after all these years jerry wasnt my father and that why jerry hated me so much he claim not to know my mom told me about my real father when i was 22 and soon after meeting him he died i never got a change to spend time with him today i have siblings that i dont know 2 that stay in the same state i live in now that i have never met i only knew him a little while and he died this story is true this story will be written and published i just wanted to start somewhere and im glad im able to tell my life story it more i didnt talk about but i will get to that later so my life goes on and now im a mother of 4 beautiful kids three boys and a little girl just like my mom but my kids are raise by me they not going through none of the things i went through they are my everything they are now all teens making good choices and 2 will be playing college basketball soon after school i live this life i have learned that people are not what they say they are people are deceitful and evil my conscious still bother me cause an innocent man went to jail cause i had no courage to speak up jerry apologize after all them years of hurt but linda she still think that it was okay that she shot me but i forgive her i forgive everyone that hurt me what i have been through most wouldn't survive but life goes on now im in a place of peace my life was a struggle